One Life to Live One Shots
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Various one shots based on Joey, Kelly, Kevin
1. Long, Cold Night

She had always loved the snow. Even when she was a child, she had loved to sit and watch the flakes fall. Some of her earliest memories had been of twirling around outside, letting snowflakes drop onto her tongue. Sitting outside tonight, she shuddered slightly. The air was cold, but she didn't mind. Somehow nights like this made her life seem more bearable. Taking a deep breath, she leaned back against the bench.

Kelly had shown up at Rodi's hoping to find John there, but she'd had no luck. He was probably in his room, somewhere warmer, like most normal people on a night like tonight. Standing up and rubbing her arms for a short burst of warmth, she sighed and walked towards the car. As she touched the doorknob, her face fell. Locked? How could the door be locked? She quickly ran around to the other side, checking each door furiously. All locked. Peering inside the car, she spotted her keys, which were lying right beside her phone—on the passenger seat of her locked car.

"Great," she mumbled and made her way back to the bench. As the snow continued to fall, she looked around. "Surely someone will come by before long," she said, before turning up her collar and hunkering down.

Kelly glanced down at her watch. It had been nearly two hours. Her face ached with the cold wind and the snow had now turned her once warm coat into a damp, cold blanket against her skin. Her fingers and toes had long since lost their warmth and she was really beginning to worry. Looking around the area, she saw no one. Everyone had shut down early on account of the storm, and she was sure most people were home at this hour, warm in their beds with their families. As she hugged her arms around her waist, she realized that no longer prevented the shivering as it had moments ago.

She stood and took a few steps back and forth, attempting to build some form of heat, but she was so tired—far too tired to do anything more. As she sat back down, she laid her head back against the bench and closed her eyes. She'd just wait a few more minutes and then she'd try again.

Joey slowed to a near stop and used his glove to wipe the windshield in front of him. He felt like a fool driving in weather like this, but after everything that was going on with his sister, he felt he had to check on his mother. As he slowed to a stop at the sign, he looked around, amazed by the amount of snow that had accumulated in the last few hours. Squinting slightly, he saw something on a bench in the distance.

"Is that," he mumbled, pulling off onto the snow covered shoulder of the road. "Nobody would be that stupid," he said, as he struggled to keep his footing in the sludge. He approached the bench, still somewhat amazed by the fact that there was indeed a person there.

"Hey," he said, touching the shoulder, lightly, "Can I give you a ride somewhere?" Joey waited for a moment. He carefully pulled at the collar of the coat. "Kelly," he breathed.

One look at her told him all he needed to know about her condition. He glanced back towards the car. With the condition of the roads, getting to the hospital could take a lot of time—time she might now have. He touched his hand to her face which felt as cold as ice. "Alright, come on," he said, carefully lifting her. "We're just gonna go inside here."

As he carried her towards Rodis, he continued to talk to her, desperate for some sign that she was still with him. Taking off his scarf, he wrapped it around his hand, then grimacing; he shoved his hand through the glass door, reaching through the shards to turn the handle. Lifting her again, he carried her inside.

The warmth of the room surrounded him, and he had her on the floor next to the nearest vent in seconds. He carefully removed her coat, and laid it on the counter, shaking his head at the absurdity of the situation. Her clothes were soaked through. Without a moment's hesitation, Joey started to unbutton his own shirt before removing Kelly's.

As he carefully wrapped his shirt around her, she stirred slightly. "Hey," he said softly, "Kelly. I need you to talk to me sweetie." He continued to remove the wet clothes as he shook the glass shards from his scarf and wrapped it around her neck. Pulling her close to him, he sighed, "Come on, Kel, talk to me…" He sighed as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Please God," he said, glancing upwards.

The sound of Kelly's soft sigh made Joey open his eyes, "You came," she whispered, her voice slurred, her eyes still closed.

Joey straightened and shook her slightly, "Yeah, Kel. I'm here. I'm right here. It's Joey. I'm gonna help you. You're gonna be ok."

"You're here now," she whispered, a small smile creeping on her lips. "Sleepy," she said, her head bobbing again.

"No…..you can't sleep right now," Joey said the desperation evident in his voice. "I need you talk to me ok beautiful. Can you show me your eyes? I need to see those pretty eyes right now."

Kelly struggled and barely managed to open her eyelids.

"There you go," Joey said with a smile. "There they are. Just keep looking at me, ok?"

"I love you, Joey," she said, her voice still weak and choppy. "You love me?"

Joey held her close to him. His mind was reeling. As he lay here, holding her, he couldn't pretend not to care, not feel something. He remembered—more than he ever realized what it was like to hold her, to kiss her, to be with her. "I'm here," he whispered, kissing her again.

"No..No..No," Kelly stammered, still incoherent, "you love me, right? You love me, Joey?"

Joey smiled and blinked back tears. "You know I do," he whispered. "We're Kelly and Joey, remember."

Her small smile was reward enough. He continued to hold her tightly as he prayed for someone—anyone to come.

The sound of the wind whipping through the door woke him. He stirred and looked at Kelly, who was curled up next to him. As he carefully touched her face, he smiled. She was warmer and she looked healthy. He moved to stand and watched as he eyes opened to half mast.

"Ummm…" Kelly rolled her eyes around to reorient herself with her surroundings. Glancing over at Joey who lay there bare-chested, she clutched the shirt she wore, "What?" she said, alarmed and sitting up quickly.

"This isn't what it looks like," Joey said with a smile.

Kelly brought her hand to her head. It throbbed and ached as if she'd drank enough to smash an entire army. "What happened here?" There was broken glass and clothes everywhere. She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"You don't remember any of it?" he asked.

"I remember the bench. I was sitting on the bench watching the snow." She paused for a minute…trying to clear her thoughts. "And the car…I locked my keys in my car and I couldn't get it opened."

Joey nodded. "I found you out there—who knows how long you'd been sitting there. You were passed out, totally out of it- Close to freezing to death." He looked at her face, realizing perhaps for the first time how very close he'd been to losing her. Carefully, he reached out and touched her face.

"You…You found me?" she asked more than stated.

"I did. I brought you in here. The door was locked, so I had to use other methods," he smiled.

"I see that," Kelly responded, using her shoe to brush away some of the larger shards of glass.

"You said, I was out of it…I didn't say anything stupid, did I?" she asked, looking at Joey.

As he sat there, he looked into her eyes, the same eyes he'd looked into the night before. The eyes he would give anything to look into for the rest of his life—"No," he said, turning away from her, and swallowing hard, "Nothing exciting."

"Good," she laughed, "Nothing worth repeating anyway, right?"

Joey grimaced, "Right".

The End


	2. Forgotten Nobody

"Kelly?!" Blair was stunned as she stood at the door staring at the face of her cousin. "What are you doing here? Why didn't you call and tell us you were coming in for a visit?"

"I just felt like coming to see my family…Is that a problem?" Kelly pushed past her gently, sighing as she struggled to pull her luggage behind her.

"No…No…Of course not." Blair smoothed her dress down nervously. This was going to end very, very badly.

Kelly turned around. "What's the matter with you?" Sure, she and Blair had their share of problems, but her reaction to her impromptu visit seemed a little extreme—even for her. She looked around, noting the empty house and Blair's rather formal attire.

"You going somewhere?" Kelly asked. "Don't let me keep you."

Blair sighed. This sucked. Oh, this totally, totally sucked. She didn't sign up for this and, even after everything she and Kelly had been through together—even after everything she secretly held against her, this isn't something she'd wish on her—or anybody.

"Yeah," Blair answered softly. "A wedding."

"I can't believe it," she whispered, looking around the church as the final preparations were completed. "He didn't even tell me."

"Maybe he didn't think you'd want to come." Blair felt bad for her. She knew how much Kelly still cared about Joey and, even though they had their problems, she wanted her cousin to be happy.

"Why would he think that? Of course I'd want to come. He's getting married. He's my best friend. Who doesn't want to come to their best friend's wedding?" She blinked hard, forcing the tears back into her eyes.

"Maybe someone who's still in love with the groom?" Blair watched as her words sunk in. Kelly was stunned, but didn't protest.

"Kelly?" Joey's voice called out from the foyer.

Kelly stepped out in front of Blair, moving forward to close the distance between them. "Joey," she breathed.

"I'll just give you two a few minutes," Blair replied quickly, suddenly feeling incredibly out of place.

Kelly watched as Blair rushed from the room. Her eyes then fell on Joey again. "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail," she sarcastically. She tried not to look as hurt as she felt, but her eyes betrayed her and she knew it.

He'd hurt her—one look into her big, green eyes and he could see that. That was exactly what he'd been trying to avoid. "I…I'm sorry," he said, barely able to look back at her. "I just…I just thought it would be easier if you weren't…"

"If I wasn't here," she finished for him. "You just want to forget about me all together? Is that it? You want to forget about everything we had? Everything we were to each other?" Her voice got progressively louder even as she tried to keep calm. It wasn't the anger that fueled her—it was the pain.

Joey reached out, taking her hand gently. "Come with me," he said quietly, leading her from the room. The last thing he needed was a scene. It was hard enough for him to decide to take this step. He knew he needed to move on—to let Kelly go, but asking Molly to marry him had been more difficult than even he had expected. Every day as they moved closer and closer to the wedding he'd literally had to force himself to believe that this was the best thing for everyone.

"It's freezing out here," Kelly protested, as they stepped outside.

Joey slipped off his suit coat and draped it across her shoulders. His hand brushed the nape of her neck as he straightened the collar and he allowed his hand to linger there longer than he should.

Kelly turned, looking up at him, the moonlight casting just enough light on his face for her to see the look of regret in his eyes. "Why?"

He understood the question, brief as it was. "You know why," he said sadly. "You can't tell me you would have wanted to come and watch this anyway."

"Of course I would want to be here. You….We….I couldn't not be here." She wished she was happy for him. She wanted to be, and she thought she could have been, if she truly believed he was happy, but she knew Joey, better than he knew himself maybe, and he didn't look happy…he looked resigned. "I mean…you're happy right? I'm happy for you."

Joey looked back at her. Was he happy—truly happy? Could he ever be without Kelly? "I..Of course, I'm happy," he said quietly, "I'm getting married."

"We were married once," the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. She turned her back to him, shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I shouldn't have said that. I know you probably want to forget all about that time. It was a disaster. I just…" She stopped as she felt his strong hands on her shoulder, gently turning her around to face him.

"I don't want to forget. I could never forget about that…about you." Joey stared at her, trying to remember a time that she wasn't a part of his life. He couldn't. She was as much as part of his world as his family was.

"So," Kelly sighed, feeling particularly uncomfortable sharing a moment like this with Joey—especially on the night he was getting married—to another woman, "This is why you didn't invite me?"

"Pretty much," Joey sighed. "I was afraid if I saw you again I wouldn't be able to remember that I had to forget. I was afraid that seeing your face—being this close to you—would bring it all back."

"And did it?" Her voice cut through the dark of the night.

"No," he said quietly.

Her heart felt as if it had been crushed. She nodded, turning and heading back into the church. She'd find Blair, let her know she was leaving, and head back to the house. There had to be some ice cream in the freezer…maybe not Butterscotch Ripple, but on nights like tonight, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough would do.

"Blair had already called me," he yelled out after her. He felt the air escape his lungs as he saw her stop in her tracks.

She turned around to face him again. "What?"

"Blair…she called me. She told me you were here and that you were hurt that I didn't invite you to the wedding. That was all I needed." He waited for a moment…waiting for a reaction, for a response…for something.

"So…." Kelly was confused.

"So, I called off the wedding. Before you ever got to the church. All I needed to know was that you still cared….that you cared enough to be hurt…that you cared enough to want to be here—that you remembered."

She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face as she felt his hands take hers. The warmth of his touch was something she'd never been able to forget—just as she'd never forgotten the look of his eyes as they gazed into hers, or the sound of his voice as he softly called her name. "You, Joey Buchanan, are impossible to forget."

The End


	3. Outrun You

Sweetheart, I'm so glad you could make it." Viki stepped inside pulling Joey in closer to her.

"It's good to be home, Mom." Joey walked into the living room, sitting his bag by the couch and looking around at the familiar sights and sounds that always made him feel at comfortable.

"Are you hungry? Of course we can't touch the Thanksgiving meal, but there's plenty of stuff for a good sandwich in the fridge."

"No, Mom. I'm fine...really. I ate on the plane."

"The plane? Come on...come with me in the kitchen...we'll get you a proper meal."

"Mom...no...I'm okay. I don't need anything to eat. I'm actually pretty wiped and I'd like to get some sleep."

Viki narrowed her eyes, staring at him. "Is that really what this is about, sweetheart?"

"What do you mean? I've worked all day, had a long flight, and I'm beat. What else would it be?"

"Oh I don't know," she said softly. "Maybe you are trying to avoid talking about something...or someone."

Joey sighed. "That's not what this is, Mom."

"Really?" Viki walked across the living room floor, taking a seat on the sofa and softly patting the cushion next to her. "Is that why you asked who was joining us for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"I was just wondering if Natalie and Jess were going to be here. You know, they have their own families now, I figured they might have other plans. Besides, she wouldn't have dinner with us. She'd be with Dorian."

"She has a name you know, darling. Not saying it doesn't make her any less real and it certainly won't make you miss her any less."

Joey nodded, letting his head drop into his hands. "I know, Mom. I just...I need to try to forget, but I can't. I can't get her out of my head. Everything I do..Everywhere I go...I think about Kelly. Why can't I just let her go?"

Viki put her hand on his shoulder. She too had known this pain. "Maybe it's because in your heart you don't want to."

"You're gonna hurt his feelings," Kevin muttered, leaning closer to Kelly as he cut his eyes at Neville.

"What?" she said softly, removing her spoon from the mashed potatoes and looking up. She looked over at Kevin who gestured to her still full plate.

"You gonna eat or make food art?" Kevin smiled, trying to lighten the mood. Zane had left the table a few moments ago, content to return to his video game and he wasn't sure Kelly had noticed.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I guess I'm just not all that hungry, but it was delicious." She looked over at Neville who was beginning to clear the table. "Really Neville, a real American classic."

"Yes maam," he nodded, quickly taking her plate from in front of her and rushing from the room.

Kelly stood, pushing the chair under the table and retreating into the living room. She closed her eyes as she heard Kevin's footsteps behind her. It was inevitable—this was the conversation she dreaded.

"Why don't you just call him?" he asked quietly as he walked up behind her, stopping as she stood in front of the mantle.

Kelly cleared her throat softly, feigning innocence. "Call who?"

He gently turned her around to face him. "Come on, Kel. You and I both know what this is about…or better still…who this is about."

She turned her back to him again, trying to fight the tears that had been threatening to fall all day. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said defiantly. "Holidays are just hard sometimes. You know…it makes you think about the people that aren't here with you. My mom, Dorian, Blair, Starr. I miss my family, Kevin." She stopped for a moment, realizing how her words sounded.

Turning around she corrected herself. "You and Zane are wonderful," she said quickly. "Don't get me wrong. I love being here and I love being with the two of you, but I just miss being with everyone. I never really had that, you know? I guess it's weird to miss something you never had, huh?"

"You really expect me to believe you were in there playing with your food and thinking about the Cramers?" Kevin eyed her suspiciously.

"What else would I be thinking about?"

"Really Kelly? We're going to go down this road? After all we've been through? After all the lies we've told to each other and about each other? You don't think I can tell when you're full of it? You and I both know you miss him so why don't you just admit it and do something about it while you still have the chance."

I can move to another town

Where nobody'd ask where you are now

LA or Mexico

No matter where I go, I can't outrun you

You're in my heart, you're in my mind

Everywhere ahead, everywhere behind

Every turn I take,

You're right around the bend

Viki slid the plate across the table as she watched her son pick at the bread. "Sweetheart," she said softly, "Talk to me. I've been told I'm a pretty good listener."

Joey smiled, reaching across the table and patting her hand. "You're great, Mom. I just…I guess I just don't even know what to say anymore."

"Maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe you're worrying too much about what to say and too little about what you feel. What did you think was going to happen when you left town? Did you really think getting away from Kelly was going to get her out of your heart?"

He thought about it for a moment. In truth, he wasn't sure what he thought. He just knew he couldn't stay here…not in this town. Not in this place where every building held a memory. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I think I was just trying to start over…in a fresh place, with new people, new places. Somewhere that I didn't see her everywhere I turned."

"And that didn't work, did it?" Viki watched him with soft, caring eyes.

"No. I tried, Mom. I really did. I threw myself into work. I would take assignment after assignment. I was hardly ever home. I worked sixty hour weeks and somehow I still found time to think about here. One of the guys I work with set me up with this girl. I went out with her a few times, but every time I found myself comparing her to Kelly….thinking of all the ways Kelly would have acted…of what Kelly would have said…what Kelly would have done. It's crazy. It's like she's with me. She's in my head."

He sighed, running his fingers through is hair as he looked up at his mother. "I sound crazy don't I?"

"No," Viki smiled. "You sound like someone in love." She reached out for his hand, squeezing it gently and looking into his eyes. "I'm going to give you some advice…you don't have to take it, but I'm going to tell you something I wish someone had told me a long time ago."

"Thanks," Kelly whispered, taking the tissue from his hand as she wiped her eyes. She sat on the sofa, staring into the dancing flames of the fireplace. "So, was I that transparent?"

"Maybe not to everyone," he said softly, "But you know you can't lie to me…especially not about Joey."

Kelly nodded. "I'm sorry. I just…I didn't want to make this any more complicated that it already is…"

Kevin laughed softly. "I think that ship sailed a long time ago, Kel." He touched her cheek softly, wiping away a stray tear with his fingertip. "Look, I know you and Joey have something. I've always known that. You and I…we…we never had that some kind of connection."

His eyes were kind and caring as she looked into them. "I've always cared about you and I don't want you to think that what we have doesn't mean anything to me…or that you and Zane aren't enough…it's just that…" She stopped, shaking her head as she tried to sort through her jumbled thoughts. How did she explain something to him that she wasn't sure she understood herself.

"It's okay. I get it. I do. You love him. You always have…and he's always loved you. No matter what you do, no matter where you go…that will never change."

She felt more tears welling up in her eyes. His words resonated within her. It was true. She did love Joey and as much as she'd tried to get away from him, to run from the memories and the feelings and the places, the love was still there.

It's like your ghost is chasing me

When I'm awake, when I'm asleep

There's a part of you in every part of me

And I can't outrun you

I can't outrun you

I had a chance with a boy or two

But all I ever saw was you

You're holding my hand, kissing my face

I guess some memories never fade

You're in my heart, you're in my mind

Everywhere ahead, everywhere behind

Every turn I take,

You're right around the bend

It's like your ghost is chasing me

When I'm awake, when I'm asleep

There's a part of you in every part of me

And I can't outrun you

I can't outrun you

"Hey." Kevin's eyes widened as he saw Kelly walk into the dining room. His eyes darted back towards the kitchen. "Kelly," he said loudly, "I didn't expect you up so early this morning."

Kelly looked at him, confused. "Why?"

"I just…I heard you walking the floors last night. I figured you must have been awake most of the night."

"Oh yeah,Sorry," she sighed, taking a seat across from him at the table and reaching for the coffee carafe. "Yeah, it was kind of a rough night. I just couldn't get my brain to turn off, you know?"

Kevin glanced behind him, shuffling nervously. "Yeah, tell me about it. Uh, you want something to eat. I can go in the kitchen and get some breakfast."

"You?" she laughed. "You're gonna cook breakfast? Where's Neville?"

"Uh, he's…he's out…getting groceries, but I can make something. Just tell me what you want..eggs, toast, waffles…anything you want." Kevin stepped backwards towards the French doors.

"Kev," a voice called out, "Don't tell me you've actually switched to tea. Where's the coffee in this place?"

Joey stepped out in the dining room, his voice trailing off as he saw Kelly sitting at the table. His eyes shot over to Kevin. "You said she was still asleep," he hissed.

"I thought she was," Kevin muttered. "She just came down. What was I supposed to do?"

"You could have let me know before I came busting in here," Joey continued.

"Joey." Her voice was shaky and frankly she was surprised she got the word out at all. She stood and took a few steps across the floor until she was standing in front of him, her hands shaking as she stared into his eyes.

"I'm gonna give you two a minute," Kevin said quickly, slipping out of the room.

"Hey, Kel," he said quietly. "I uh…I didn't mean to surprise you like this. I was gonna call, but then I didn't know what to say and I was talking to Kevin and he said you would probably sleep in today and.."

She raised her hand to stop him. "It's okay," she said softly. "It's…It's good to see you." She closed her eyes, cursing herself for saying something so…impersonal. This wasn't an old college roommate—this was the man that held her heart in his hands.

"I mean," she took a deep breath before trying again. "I mean, I've missed seeing you. It's really good to see you again."

Joey smiled. In the time he'd been away from her, he'd thought of a million different things that he missed about her, but now, as she stood in front of him, he could think of a million more that he hadn't even considered. It was the way she said his name, the way her lips curled up on the side when she smiled, the way her hair tangled into eyelashes as they fluttered close.

"It's good to see you too," he said softly. "It's been too long. I…I've missed you. I've really missed you."

She stood still for a moment, considering the next response. Was he going to say more? Did he want her to? What if she said something more and he didn't respond? Could she handle that? And if she said nothing, and he walked away again…what about that? Could she live with losing him again?

He watched her eyes as she stood in front of him. He could always tell when she was thinking. The green orbs seemed to dance in front of him, as if they were being pulled in a million different directions. In his own mind, he could hear his mother's voice as she gently whispered to him, 'Life is to be lived, Joey and if you find someone you love to live it with, don't lose them…no matter what."

"I love you." The words came out simultaneously, and the both stared at each other in amazement.

"What did you say?" Kelly asked, her eyes already shiny with tears.

Joey smiled at her. "I'm pretty sure, I said exactly what you said," he whispered, reaching out for her hand and stepping closer to her. "I love you Kelly Cramer. I always have. I've tried moving away, I've tried moving on, I've tried a million different things, but you're a part of me…and I can't lose you without losing a part of myself."

She felt his hand on her face as his soft fingertips softly brushed away the tears. "I…I don't know what to say," she managed, a smile spreading across her lips. "I never imagined you would be here…saying this to me. Just last night I was sitting at this table thinking about you and about how empty my life felt without you and now…now you're here."

"This is where I belong," he said quietly, his hands wrapping around hers.

"But what about your job? What about New York? I can't expect you just to give up everything and come here." She blinked quickly, trying to be rational. As much as she wanted to throw herself into this life…this fairy tale existence, she couldn't be completely selfish. Joey had a life too and she had to respect that.

He smiled, those blue eyes she'd loved for years instantly warming her heart. "Don't you get it," he said softly. "You're my life. And you're home. As long as we're together, we can be anywhere and I'll be happy. We can live here in London. We can move back to Llanview. We can build a hut in Zimbabwe. We can buy and RV and live on the road. It doesn't matter. I just need you."

Kelly smiled softly as his arms pulled her in towards his chest. "This," she whispered, "This feels like home."


	4. Christmas Wish

Christmas wish

'And the reindeer even ate the carrots,' Ryder whispered, leaning closer to Joey as if his words betrayed a closely guarded secret.

"They did?" Joey smiled, leaning back on the couch as the little boy crawled up beside him.

"Uh huh," he nodded. "Mama said the reindeer were probably real glad we left them something too because she bets Santa doesn't share his cookies, but I don't know if reindeer would eat cookies. Do they Uncle Joey?"

He hadn't seen that picture in years. In fact he wasn't even sure he knew it existed. Santa and Mrs. Claus...Kelly's smiling face...his arm around her...

"Uncle Joey!" Ryder's voice boomed beside him.

Joey's eyes darted back towards his nephew. "Yeah," he said softly, blinking hard to refocus. "Yeah, buddy. Sorry..."

"Do they?" Ryder repeated, his wide eyes shining up at him.

Joey stared at him, wondering just how long he'd been lost in his thoughts. "Uh..."

"What are you two up to in here?" Jessica called, walking in to the room.

"Jess." Joey stood, wrapping his arms around his sister and smiling. "Merry Christmas. It's so good to see you."

"You too," she smiled, glancing back at Ryder. "I'm sure Ryder's been giving you the play-by-play of our morning."

"It's been great. I love talking to him. Sounds like you all had a great time."

Jessica nodded. "Hey Ryder, why don't you run outside and show Grandma how much you love the scooter she bought you."

"Ok Mama."

Hearing the door close, she turned her attention back to Joey. "Go ahead," she began, moving towards the couch and taking a seat.

"What?"

"Joey," she smiled. "We both know why you were so anxious for me to get over here. Even Brody knew...and let's face it, he's a man."

"I wanted to see my niece and nephew on Christmas," Joey protested, knowing it was a lost cause.

"Right..." Jessica sighed. "Come on Joey...Just ask me the question you want to ask..."

He sighed, moving across the room and taking a seat beside her. "I really did want to see the kids," he said quietly, looking down at his feet, more than a little ashamed of himself.

Jessica smiled. "I know you did," she smiled. "There's just someone else you want to see too, right?"

Joey looked up. "So, is she here? Have you talked to her?"

Jessica nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah," she whispered, "Actually, I have."

"You didn't have to come with me, you know. It's Christmas. You should be home with husband and your kids." Joey opened the passenger side door and reached for her hand.

Jessica smiled, "Trust me Joey, my kids have a Playstation 4...If I'm not on a tv screen, I'm irrelevant."

"Still," he sighed, "I could have come here by myself. You didn't need to..."

"I wanted to," she whispered, squeezing his hand. "Look, like I said, I don't know anything for sure. All I know is he came with her for Christmas. I don't know that it's a serious thing."

Joey eye's narrowed. "Kelly wouldn't bring some random man home for Christmas...you and I both know that. If she's bringing him home with her, he's important to her."

"So then why...why did you come over here? Why put yourself through this?" Jessica pulled back on his arm, stopping him as he approached the entrance to the Palace. "Look, we can just go back to the house—you can play games with the kids, we can drink hot chocolate, and sing Christmas carols...it will be like it used to be."

He shook his head, his eyes peering through the window. "No, he said softly. "Nothing will ever be like it used to be."

"Excuse me."

Kelly stilled as she felt a hand on her arm. "Yes, can I help you?"

"Are you Kelly Cramer?" the young man asked.

"I am," she said softly.

"Then these are for you."

"Are you sure?" Kelly whispered, glancing back at Greg, who stood behind her. She reached out for the arrangement of long-stem red roses. "Who would?"

"Guess you'll find out," Greg said softly gesturing to the card nestled in between the blooms. "Here," he said, reaching into his inside coat pocket to retrieve a generous tip. "Merry Christmas."

Kelly watched as the young man left the room. She turned to Greg, smiling up at him. "Should we finish our dance?"

"Don't you want to find out who your secret admirer is?" he asked, his eyes still focused on the card.

Her fingers brushed the glossy paper. "You mean it isn't you?"

"Not this time." Greg leaned in closely, brushing his lips against hers. "Why don't I go get us a drink and then we'll solve this mystery."

Kelly nodded, forcing a smile as he walked away. Walking quickly over to a side table, she laid the arrangement down, carefully plucking the card from the middle. Her hands trembled as she opened the envelope. She didn't want to think...to dream...to hope...but God if it was from him...

Kel,

I hope this Christmas brings you everything you've ever dreamed of. Be happy.

Love always,

Joey

"Here you go," Greg said, sitting the glass of wine in front of her.

Kelly jumped a bit, surprised by his sudden appearance.

"So, what's the verdict," he asked, gesturing to the open envelope. "Do I have some competition?" he smiled.

"Uncle Joey, No offense, but you kind of suck at this game."

"Bree," Jessica hissed, "You do not say that!"

"Well, he does," Bree whined.

"She's right," Joey admitted, smiling a little. "I do."

"Still," Jessica continued, barely suppressing a giggle, "We don't use that kind of language."

"But..."

The sound of the doorbell echoed through the house. Jessica turned her attention to the door, standing and beginning to walk from the room. "You're lucky young lady. You better thank whoever this is."

Jessica pulled the door open, the cool crisp air not nearly as shocking as the sight of the person standing before her.

"Kelly," she breathed, stepping back and gesturing for her to step inside. "Come in...get in here."

"Hey Jess," she smiled, "I just wanted to come by and see..." Her voice stopped as her eyes fell on him.

"Yeah," Jessica smiled, "We both know who you came to see." Walking into the living room, she softly pulled the door closed behind her.

Joey stood still, willing his mouth to move. There were so many things he wanted to say. So many nights he'd stared at the ceiling thinking about what he would say if he just had the chance, but now...in this moment, he was lucky to remain upright.

"I got your flowers," she said softly. "They were beautiful."

"So are you," he said quietly. He closed his eyes, breathing in sharply. Of all the cheesy, cliche lines...that? That was the best he could come up with. But as he opened his eyes again, she was smiling.

"Thank you," she whispered. "What you said...in the note..."

He stopped her. "I...I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to interrupt and I know that you're with someone else, but I wanted you to know that I still think about you and that I still...I still wish...that..."

She watched him for a moment, smiling as he stumbled over his words. "I know...I do too."

Silence. He'd swear he actually stopped breathing for a moment. Did that mean? Did she say? His eyes shone back at her.

She continued. "What you said about me having everything I ever dreamed of...that's not possible...I'll never have everything I've dreamed of...not unless I have you."

"You mean...You..but what about the guy...the guy you were dancing with..."

Kelly smiled, "Greg's a great guy. He's warm and thoughtful and generous, but there's one big problem. He's just not you. I love you, Joey and no matter what I do—no matter who I'm with—no matter where I go...that has never changed."

He smiled, pulling her closer to him. "I love you too," he whispered, moving in closer, confused when she stopped.

He looked down at her, "What...What is it?"

Kelly reached into her jacket pocket. "I believe there was a little some extra in that bouquet." She smiled as she pulled out the sprig of mistletoe. "Clever, Mr. Buchanan," she smiled."

"I had to be hopeful, he whispered, his lips hovering just above hers. "After all, you were all I asked for this Christmas."

The End


	5. Cold on the Way Down

Eleven days…could it be possible? Could it be possible that it had only been eleven days? She stared at the calendar on the desk. The empty squares seemed to scream at her, an all too familiar reminder of just how empty her life truly was. Walking over to the freezer, she reached in, pulling out another bottle of clear liquid—the only constant comfort in her world as of late.

The phone rang…again. It had rang over and over and over for days and yet she just let it ring. She didn't want to talk. There was nothing to say. No words could bring back the child she so desperately wanted. Joey had pleaded with her to come back to the house with him—the house they'd bought together—the house they'd planned to live in with their daughter.

Kelly took a deep breath as the icy cold liquid began its voyage down her throat. She didn't cry anymore…she was too tired to cry. The tears were all gone. In their place was emptiness, a hole, dreams that would never be realized, arms that would never be filled.

From the moment she'd known about this baby, she'd wanted her, and from the second she'd told Joey, she'd known that this was everything they'd ever dreamed of. They'd married, bought a house, and even started setting up the nursery. In a few short months, they'd be parents. Everything was perfect—until it wasn't.

She hadn't felt the baby move in hours and she was worried. Joey had calmed her, in his way, promising her that she was just being overprotective. After several hours of persistent fears, he'd given in and taken her to the hospital.

The icy cold liquid cascading down her throat paled in comparison to the cold chill that had radiated through her that day. She'd known something was wrong the moment she'd seen the technician's face. She'd said nothing of course, mumbling something about the doctor being in short, but Kelly had known.

Joey had asked him if coming earlier could have saved her—if waiting was the reason she was gone. The doctor assured them that nothing they did or didn't do caused this. It was just something that happened…sometimes they never knew why.

She remember how kind Joey had been to her, how he'd held her as she screamed. She remembered how he'd stood back and watched her as she ripped wallpaper from the nursery walls, how he'd picked her sobbing body up and carried her upstairs when she'd collapsed. He had tried.

"Kelly, Kelly, please answer the phone."

She heard his voice on the answering machine as it echoed through the room.

"We need to talk, Kel. I want to help. I love you, Kel. I need you. Please….Kelly?"

She took another drink from her glass as she felt the lump begin to rise in her throat. She wasn't numb enough yet.

Standing up, she walked to the bathroom, opening the cabinet and peering inside. The bottle sat on the shelf…where she'd left it. She opened the lid, pouring two into her hand. Moving her thumb over them, she stood still, wondering if they could ease her pain….if they could make it better. She picked up the bottle again, pouring the remaining pills into her hand. This, she thought, would make the pain stop….for all of them.

"Of course not," Joey snapped, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. He glared back at the doctor who simply held the clipboard and blinked back at him. "Do you honestly think I would have left her alone if I had any indication she would do something like this?"

"Mr. Buchanan, your wife took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. You had no idea she was depressed?"

Joey ran his hand over his face. "Of course I knew she was depressed. Our daughter just died. Wouldn't you be depressed?"

The doctor made a note on the clipboard. "I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Buchanan. Your wife will be moving to recovery in a few moments. We were able to pump her stomach and all indications are that she'll be just fine….physically."

Joey nodded. "Thanks," he said softly. He made his way over to the line of chairs by the wall. How was he supposed to give Kelly a reason to live when everything in him wanted to die right along with her?

Sandpaper…her mouth literally felt like sandpaper, she thought as she finally managed to open her eyes. The bright lights overhead assaulted her senses as she struggled to adjust. Looking around the room, it quickly came back to her. The vodka, the pills, Joey. She could remember bits and pieces of the past few hours. She remembered hearing someone beating on the door, remembered hearing him scream her name, and then, on the ambulance ride over, she could feel him squeezing her hand, asking her, no begging her, to hold on….to stay with him.

Slowly, she turned her head. There he was, his back to her, staring out the window. "Joey," she managed. It was unbelievably painful to speak. Somehow the physical pain was almost welcome in comparison to the emotional hell she'd been living in.

The sound of her voice made him turn quickly. He rushed over to the bed, taking her hand in his. "Kel," he whispered, kissing her fingers gently. "Please," he whispered. "Please don't ever do anything like that ever again."

The deep worry lines, an easy sign that he was troubled, were present on his forehead. She could tell how truly concerned he was. "I just…" She didn't know what else to say. "It's…" The tears began to flow again…

Joey shook his head. "You just want it to stop hurting," he whispered.

She nodded, grateful that he at least understood that much. "I just feel so empty, Joey….and that hole…that hole inside of me will never…ever be filled."

"I know it seems that way." Seeing her like this terrified him. Kelly had always been so vibrant, so alive. To see her question whether or not it was worth it to stay…it just didn't seem right. "We'll fill it," he promised. "You can't leave me," he added.

He took her hand in his, bringing it to his chest. "When we lost our little girl, I felt like a part of me died with her. I know it's different for me, but you've got to know that I'm hurting too. I loved her, Kelly. I wanted that life…that family. I wanted that with you more than I've ever wanted anything."

Kelly nodded. She did know that. It was one of the few things she felt certain of…one of the few things that she had never, ever doubted.

"But," he continued, "I love you more than anything else in the world and without you…none of it is going to happen. Without you, none of it matters." He took a deep breath before continuing. "When I walked in that bathroom today and found you there, it was like my heart stopped beating. I can't lose you too. "

She was silent. She had never considered how Joey would feel. Her own pain, her own grief was so overwhelming, so all consuming that it didn't leave room for anyone else's feelings. "I'm so sorry," she managed, her voice still hoarse from the tubes.

"You don't' have to be sorry…just promise me….promise me that you won't leave me." He looked into her eyes, desperate for a sign that he was getting through.

Looking at him, at his eyes, as he spoke to her, she could see how much he loved her, and she loved him back. That feeling, that love, was the first emotion besides grief and anger she'd felt in days. Reaching up, she touched his face.

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere" she said quietly, breathing deeply. The cold empty feeling seemed to fade as felt his arms encircle her.


	6. Don't Say Yes

Don't say yes!" He clutched the edge of the pew, his chest burning, his heart beating so loud that he'd swear the whole church could hear it. "Don't," he managed before a sheer lack of oxygen forced him to stop.

There were no gasps, no cries of alarm, and no whispered bits of gossip being bandied around. 'This wasn't at all how it happened in the movies,' Kelly thought as she stared at Joey's hunched over form. She felt Adam's gentle hand on her shoulder as she turned back towards him, her eyes still wide in from shock.

He said nothing and yet his eyes said it all. Adam was, by all accounts, the perfect man. He was a successful doctor. He loved her family. He loved her. At a time in her life where she'd felt totally and completely alone, Adam had come and reminded her what it was like to be loved…needed…wanted. The looks, the success, the heart…it was all there.

As she looked at him now, staring back at her with his generous, giving eyes, she wondered, Even as wonderful as he was, would it ever be enough?

"Joey…" Jessica rushed up beside him, reaching out to support him as he gasped for air. "Are you ok? Are you hurt? I thought you were in London. I thought you'd gone to see Kevin."

Standing up straight, he took a few steps back, suddenly very aware of every eye focused in his direction. "I'm fine…I just…I need to catch my breath. I couldn't get a cab, so I kind of…I kind of ran over here from the house."

She shook her head, the insanity of the statement clouding her brain. "Wait…you ran all the way over here from the house? To do what? To stop Kelly from getting married?"

He looked up at her, shrugging slightly. She wouldn't understand. He wasn't even sure he completely understood. The truth was, he'd known that Kelly was getting married for weeks now. In fact, he'd seen the engagement announcement in the paper months ago. Did he hate the thought of it? Yes. Had he planned to run in here like some sort of town crier and stop the whole thing right in the middle of the vows? Hell no.

"Joey," Jessica whispered, jabbing him slightly in the ribs and nudging him backwards out the door. "What are you thinking? What are you doing here?"

"I have to Jess," he whispered. "I have to tell her how I feel. She has to know."

"Joey." Jessica sighed, her eyes softening as she looked up at him. "Now is really not the time. I mean come on…do you really want to do this? Do you really want to ruin her wedding?"

"Let him go, Jess."

Joey turned, the relief evident in his face as he saw his brother walk into the room.

"Kev," Jessica smiled, rushing towards him and throwing her arms around her brother. "I didn't think you were gonna make it. I thought you said you had meetings and…"

"Forget about that…Forget about that right now. Joe." He glanced over towards Joey, who had moved back towards the door, the room now bustling with uncomfortable guests and hushed whispers. "I think you have something you need to say."

Joey took a deep breath and nodded. Kevin was right. His brother had been the one to convince him to come here in the first place. He'd gone to London to avoid this wedding…to try and avoid the thought of Kelly walking down the aisle with another man. It made sense to tell his family he was going to visit his brother, and with Kelly getting married, no one dared try to convince him to stay.

Talking with Kevin about Kelly hadn't been something he'd ever pictured himself doing, especially with their history, but somehow the other night it just happened. Joey had admitted how he felt….how much he loved her, how much he always had, how much he still did.

Kevin had never pulled any punches with him, and he'd expected no different this time. He'd been fully prepared for Kevin to grab him by the shoulders, look him in the eye, and tell him to get over her, but he hadn't. Instead, he'd told him the truth…the truth no one else knew. The truth about the meetings. The truth about the reason he hadn't been home for a visit in months. The real reason for all of it. Then he'd told him something that he could still hear echoing in his head.

"If you love her, Joe you fight for her. You don't lose her. You don't give up on her…because life…it's just too damn short."

Chapter 2

"Hey." Adam's soft voice was calm, but even he couldn't pretend not to be shaken by this. "What do you want to do here?" He stepped closer to her, grasping for any shred of privacy they could get…hoping that both of them could leave her with a little dignity.

Kelly forced air back into her lungs. Since the moment his voice had echoed through the church, the air in the room had seemed heavier. Each breath seemed like such an effort and her hands shook despite how tightly she grasped the bouquet in her hands. She turned her head back towards Adam's face. The room seemed to take a moment to catch up. The whooshing noise in her head got louder and louder and even though she saw his mouth moving, she couldn't make out his words.

"Kelly!" Adam reached out to her, his arms breaking her fall as she crumpled to the ground. He looked back towards the minister. "I think we all need a minute here," he whispered.

"You're not telling me that you're on his side?" Jessica sighed, shaking her head in exasperation. "Kevin…it is her wedding day. You don't mess with a woman on her wedding day. This is hardly the time to…"

The sounds of whispered conversations and footsteps came closer.

"What's going on?" Joey said, stepping back towards the doors, and craning his neck inside. Everyone seemed to be making their way out of the church through the side exits and Kelly and Adam were nowhere to be seen.

He looked back at Kevin and Jessica. "Kelly's gone. She's gone."

"Well, you kind of killed the moment there, Joey…what did you think they were going to do? Just pick up where they left off?" Jessica stared at him in disbelief as she watched him scan the halls of the church.

"I have to find her," he said, taking off before either of them had a chance to stop him.

"Joey…Joey, wait," Jessica cried out. Her hands met her sides with a thud as she slumped back into one of the chairs in the foyer. "This is a disaster," she whispered, looking up at Kevin. "I still can't believe you're behind him on this one."

Kevin shook his head. "I wouldn't expect you to understand, Jess."

"Why? Because I'm so young and inexperienced? I swear…you and Joey can't seem to get past the fact that I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm a grown woman and I've…"

"I didn't mean it like that," Kevin interrupted. "I just meant…that life….sometimes things happen in your life that make you realize how important it is to say everything you want to say…"

The room grew still, the last of the guests now standing around outside the church, waiting for word. Jessica looked up at Kevin, the serious expression on his face more somber than usual. "Kevin…what's going on? What are you talking about?"

Forcing a smile, he shrugged, allowing a puff of air to escape his lungs. "Nothing…it's nothing. It's just that when you get old like your brother here…you'll realize that life is short. You start thinking about stuff differently. You start realizing that you've been around longer than you probably have left."

"Kevin!" She stood, walking over to him. "Don't talk like that. You're gonna be around for a long, long time. Where's all this coming from?"

"Don't be like me, Jess. Don't wake up one morning and realize that you've got money and success and nobody to share it with. Don't wait for something to happen to make you wake up and realize how much you've missed."

"Ok, you're scaring me now." Jessica reached up tentatively, touching his arm. "Everything you're saying here…it's like some sort of warning."

"No…No…I'm sorry." He stood up, straightening his coat and forcing another, more believable smile. "It's just weddings…they make some people cry…they depress the hell out of others."

"I'm just going to go let the minister know that we've decided to postpone it." Adam held out the glass of water, his eyes sad but still reflecting the gentle warmth she'd come to rely on.

"I'm so sorry, Adam." Kelly shook her head. "I just…."

"It's ok. I understand. There's no way you could have known that your ex-husband would pick today of all days to decide to make some grand declaration. We have plenty of time to get married. There will be plenty of perfect days." He leaned over, gently kissing her on the lips. "I just want you to be ok." He pulled back, looking into her eyes, happy to see the color returning to her face. "You are ok aren't you?"

"I'm fine," she smiled.

"Good," he breathed, "Because I'd hate for us to miss our flight tonight."

"Our flight?" She still felt a bit fuzzy, but she was fairly clear on the fact that their flight tonight was intended to take them to Spain for their honeymoon…surely he wasn't intending…

"Sure," he smiled. "There's no reason the honeymoon can't happen before the actual wedding." With a final quick kiss, he left the room in a flash, disappearing before she could even process the words enough to contemplate a response.

Raising the cool glass to her face, she stared into the mirror in front of her and then closed her eyes. "Listen, Adam," she whispered, hearing the door open again.

"It's not Adam," Joey whispered, looking into the mirror at her.

"Joey," Kelly breathed, standing quickly and turning to face him. Too quickly.

In an instant, his arms were around her, the warmth of his embrace so familiar that it almost took her breath.

"You ok?" he whispered, easing her back down on the bench seat.

"Yeah," she whispered, certain that she was lying. She had no idea about anything at the moment. She didn't know how she felt about this wedding. She didn't know how she felt about Adam. She didn't know how she felt about Joey. She didn't know what she wanted, but if there was one thing she did know—it was that she was most certainly not ok.

"Too much going on today," she whispered, then looking up at him again, she asked, "Joey, what are you doing here?"

Chapter 3

"Kel," he whispered, sitting down beside her on the bench seat.

She closed her eyes. God, it was everything…even the most simplistic things. She remembered when Adam had called her 'Kel'. It was a natural nickname, but hearing it leave his lips just seemed wrong and she'd told him she hated being called that. He'd apologized and smiled, telling her a story about a childhood nickname that still plagued him. He was always so wonderfully understanding…even about things that, to anyone else, would seem ridiculously petty.

The truth was that hearing that name made her think of Joey…as did so many other things. She'd quickly said no when he'd suggested they honeymoon in Paris, so quickly in fact that she had to come up with a lie to explain her extreme aversion to the idea. It wasn't so much a lie, she reasoned. Her childhood certainly wasn't a picnic….growing up in a convent school in Paris wasn't exactly the stuff fairy tales were made of, but it had nothing to do with the real reason she didn't want to go there.

Now, as she sat there, her body mere inches from his, she realized that so much of her relationship with Adam had been compromised…She'd been changing and lying and trying new things in an effort to forget the past—but maybe she couldn't. Maybe she didn't want to.

"Are you angry with me?" he asked, his voice hushed. "I know my timing is lousy and I never wanted to hurt you, Kel. If you believe anything…you've got to believe that."

Her eyes met his. "I do believe that."

"I was leaving," he began again. "I was in London. I was visiting Kevin. I was trying to stay away. I had convinced myself that if I just didn't see it…if I didn't think about it that it wouldn't hurt as much, but it didn't work. All I could do was think about it. I would look down at my watch and wonder what you were doing at that exact moment. I'd imagine you getting dressed, reading over your vows, straightening your bouquet. It was too much. I just couldn't stand it."

He forced a shaky breath, grateful that she hadn't stopped him. "Kevin knew something was wrong and when he finally called me on it, I just broke and I told him how I felt….how much I love you…how much I always have."

He watched as her big, green eyes began to shine with tears.

"He told me that I had to tell you the truth…that I couldn't wait…that I couldn't waste time. Life is too short. We never know…we never know what's going to happen and we can't wait for the perfect time because there might not be one or it might be right now." He shook his head. It sounded like a garbled mess, but he had to make her understand.

He reached out, taking her hand in his. "I know that this is a really, really bad time. I know that you care about Adam and I know that he obviously cares about you, but what I'm asking you….what I need you to tell me is….if you still…." He fought for composure, swallowing hard past the tongue in his mouth that now felt like sandpaper, "I need to know if you still love me."

"I'd like to hear the answer to that question myself," Adam responded, stepping into the doorway.

Chapter 4

"Adam," Kelly stood quickly, taking quick steps towards him. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Obviously," he softly responded, glancing over at Joey who still remained seated on the bench. "I…I talked to the minister. He said to let him know when we reschedule…." He took a deep breath, looking deep into her eyes. "If we reschedule," he whispered.

"Joey," Kelly turned, facing him. "Could you give us a minute, please?"

"Sure, Kel," he nodded, standing up and stepping outside the door, pulling it closed softly behind him. He stared at the door, his hand still on the brass doorknob. It was up to her now, he realized, closing his eyes tightly. Adam had everything it seemed, but judging by the look in Kelly's eyes, the one thing he didn't have was her heart.

"I thought you hated that." His words were calm, but icy cold, so different from the warmth she'd come to depend on.

"Hated what?" She looked away, unable to handle his eyes on her. It was as if he could see directly into her soul. As if everything she'd been feeling was written all over her face.

"Kel…the nickname. You told me you hated that…but you don't, do you? You just hate me calling you that….You hate it because it reminds you of him."

Kelly opened her mouth to speak, but Adam interrupted.

"No, that's not right either is it? It's not that it reminds you *of* him. It's that it reminds you that I'm *not* him." The look in her eyes was the only answer he needed. "Right," he whispered quietly. "So, is this it? Are we over?"

"Adam….I….I never wanted to…" Never before had she felt so completely at odds with herself. Her heart broke for him….for what she'd done to him…what she'd put him through. He was a wonderful man and she'd never wanted to hurt him. At the same time, the mere idea that Joey was outside the door…waiting for her made her pulse quicken. The guilt was almost overwhelming. How could she be so incredibly happy when she was making someone else so miserable.

"Please just don't. I know…I know what you're going to say." He shook his head, running his hand over his face in an effort to push back the tears that threatened to fall. "And for whatever reason, I believe you. I believe you didn't do this on purpose. I believe you didn't want to hurt me."

She took a breath. Even now, he was taking care of her. He was sparing her feelings. "Adam, you are such a wonderful man," she whispered. "Any woman would be lucky to be with you."

"Just not you, right?" He forced a smile.

"It wouldn't be fair to you. I never should have let it go this far. It wasn't right….I care about you, but you deserve more than that. You deserve someone that can love you with their whole heart."

"Judging by the way you were looking at him," he gestured towards the closed door, "I don't even think I had a shot at a portion of your heart."

Kelly felt the tear slide down her cheek. She didn't know what to say. No words seemed good enough.

"It's ok," Adam whispered, reaching out to wipe away the tear. "You take care of yourself."

He opened the door slowly, stepping out into the hallway. Joey stood on the opposite side of the hall. Adam stood still, then took a step towards him. "You take care of her," he said quietly before walking away.

Joey wasted no time before entering the room, his eyes finding Kelly's immediately.

"Yes." Her voice shook a little as she made her way towards him. "The answer to your question is yes."

"Adam," Jessica called, reaching out to him as he quickly brushed past her. "Where's Kelly? Is everything ok?"

He stopped, taking a deep breath as a last ditch effort to regain his composure. Looking over towards the door, he saw Kevin standing there. "I think things are the way they're supposed to be." He started to walk away again.

"But," Jessica moved to follow him.

"Let him go, Jess," Kevin said quickly, reaching out to grab her arm gently. "I think he's probably had all he can handle for one day."

"But I don't understand it. He's leaving and Kelly is nowhere to be seen."

"And neither is Joey," Kevin whispered, smiling knowingly at Jessica.

"Wait a minute," she whispered, "You think? I mean, you really think they're getting back together? After all this time? After everything that's happened?"

Kevin shook his head. "You know Jess. I haven't been completely honest with you about everything that's gone on in my life recently. Part of the reason that Joey is here today is because of me."

"Right," Jessica said cautiously. "He said you talked him into coming here."

"Yeah, but he didn't tell you why. About six months ago they found some irregularities…some suspicious areas and they had me come in for some tests. They diagnosed me with colon cancer."

"Kevin…" She felt her breath catch in her throat. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Listen…Listen," he reached out to take her hand. "They caught it really early and they were able to do the treatments and everything looks good. I didn't want anybody to worry about it when there really wasn't anything to worry about."

"But Kev…we could have been there…we could've…"

"That's not why I'm telling you this, Jess. I'm telling you this to explain why I was so hard on Joe. I wanted him to come here and make things right with Kelly. If this cancer scare taught me anything it's how quickly things can change. Our lives are so fragile and we can't wait around for things to happen to us. We have to make things happen. Joey and Kelly both love each other, but both of them were too scared and too stubborn to do anything about it. Hopefully," he smiled, "now they have."

Joey smiled as he took her hands in his. It felt so good to touch her again. Having her near him was better than anything he could have ever imagined. "I'm not sure I remember the question," he smiled.

"If I still love you," she whispered, stepping in closer towards him. "And the answer is yes. Joey Buchanan…there has not ever been nor will there ever be a moment when I stop loving you."

Total silence overtook the room. The sheer magnitude of her words seemed to hit him in stages, each stage sweeter than the last. His hand reached out slowly, touching her face. "I love you so much," he whispered. "I don't ever want to lose you again. I don't want to waste a single second."

She nodded, a smile stretching across her face. "You know," she whispered, leaning in so that her lips were nearly touching his. "I happen to have a minister on standby."

"Well, I hope he doesn't mind," he smiled, "but I've waited far too long to do this to save it for the ceremony."

Jessica and Kevin peeked in the door, smiling as the two kissed passionately. They pulled the door closed quietly. "I think it's safe to say that those two are no longer wasting time," Kevin smiled.

The end


	7. The Call

I understand," he whispered, barely able to speak. He listened, his mind still trying to grasp the information. "Thank you…for calling". Joey covered his face with his hands, desperately trying to calm the tears that threatened to come. He couldn't fall apart now. He had to find her…to tell her. Most important, he realized, he had to be there for her.

Looking into the window, he saw them there. John sat close beside her, smiling, his hand occasionally drifting towards her hand. Kelly was at ease, she clearly hadn't heard the news, and he would give anything not to have to be the one to tell her. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.

Looking over at the entrance, John sighed, "Joey, We're not open yet. Did I forget to flip the sign?"

Joey didn't even bother with a response. John wasn't important. Everything else had become somewhat trivial since that phone call. "Kelly," he whispered, "I need to talk to you."

Kelly shook her hand. "Look, Joey. John and I..We were…"

"Please just listen," Joey said, looking at her. She had no idea what he was about to tell her. No idea that her world was about to fall apart. He couldn't believe it himself…he softly touched her shoulder, "Can we talk….in private?"

Kelly glanced back at John, "Can you give us a minute?" she asked him, suddenly serious. The look on Joey's face wasn't about petty jealousy or about raking her over the coals for sleeping with John. This was something else. This was something serious.

"Sure," John replied, "I'll be in the back room."

"What is it?" Kelly said, looking back at Joey as soon as John departed. "What's going on?"

Joey sat down, looking down at the bar. What words could he use to make this easier on her? How could he tell her something like this?

"Joey," Kelly said, her voice slightly elevated and strained with worry. "What?"

Turning toward her, he reached for her hand. His own eyes were filling with tears, as he saw her face change from confusion to concern to fear, all in moments. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Kelly could feel herself shaking, "What? What is it? What happened? Is it Kevin? Did something happen to him?"

Joey lowered his head. He couldn't bear to answer her. Shaking his head, he looked up.

Her hand flew to her mouth, stifling the sobs, "Oh God," she gasped. She fought for breath as she felt Joey's hands on her shoulders.

"He was…He was on the BE jet and…it went down. There weren't any survivors." Joey felt her body shaking with sobs as he pulled her closer to him. He held her as she cried, trying desperately to comfort her, though he still had no found no means of comfort for himself.

Kelly pulled away suddenly, "Zane," she said, as she wiped her face with her hands, "Does he know?" She stood quickly from the stool and bolted towards the door.

"Kelly…wait," Joey said, grabbing her arm.

"No, I need to call him. I need to be there," she said, slightly her voice becoming slightly manic. "He's just lost his father. He needs his mother. He needs me."

"Kelly," Joey said softly, trying to find the right words, "Zane is on break from school."

"Right…" she said, shaking her head frantically, "and he's there and he's alone and he needs me." She struggled to break Joey's grip on her arm.

"No…No he doesn't," Joey said softly.

He saw the moment the realization hit her and were it not for his arms, her body would have hit the floor.

"Nooooo…" she wailed, unable to process the idea. She clawed at Joey's arms. "Please tell me it's not true… Please…"

Joey sat down leaning back against the bar and allowed her to fall into him, "I'm so sorry, Kel." He had no words. As he wrapped his arms around her, he closed his eyes, finally allowing his own tears to escape.

"I should have been there." Her face was still buried in his chest. "I should have been with them."

"Kelly, don't say that," he said, as he pulled her back from him, and touched her face. "Don't ever say that."

Looking into his eyes, she saw his compassion, but also his loss and grief. "What am I gonna do?" she asked. He mind felt numb. The tears were done, but in their place was an overwhelming sense of emptiness.

Joey shook his head. "I don't know." He lightly kissed the top of her head, "but I'm here…and we'll figure it out together."

Part 2

John stepped back into the bar and looked around. The sounds of Kelly's sobs echoed through the room. He peered around the edge of the bar, surprised to see Joey there as well.

Stopping short, he stared at them. Something was clearly very wrong. "What's going on?"

Joey helped Kelly to her feet and watched as she settled onto a bar stool. John quickly moved to grab a glass and filled it with water, sliding it in front of her.

Grabbing John's arm, Joey pulled him away from her towards the other side of the room. "What's going on?" John said in hushed tones. "What did you say to her?"

Shaking his head, Joey began, "It's not that…Kevin and Zane…" He stopped, still almost unable to believe the words he spoke were true. "They were in a plane crash..the BE jet…it..it went down."

John looked over at Kelly, who was barely keeping it together. She hadn't touched the glass of water, and although she was no longer sobbing, the silence was more unnerving. "Are they?" he asked him, afraid of the answer.

Joey just nodded. He hadn't been able to say the word yet, As if somehow not saying it made it less real.

John slowly crossed the room. Standing in front of Kelly, he reached out, and softly touched her hand. "Kelly, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Kelly looked up—still silent.

John looked back at Joey who shook his head. He certainly couldn't tell John what to do or say. He had no idea what to do himself.

Turning back to Kelly, he added, "I'm gonna go. If you need anything…day or night, you call me? Ok" John touched her face softly, and gently kissed her cheek.

Kelly managed a small nod in return.

As John left the room, Joey returned to her side. Kelly curled into him and felt the tears threatening to return.

"It's ok," he whispered, "Let it out."

"I can't….If I start, I'm afraid…I'm afraid I'll never stop," she admitted tearfully.

Joey looked into her eyes, "Let me take you home," he said as he softly brushed the tears from her face, "Dorian and Blair will be there. You'll have your family".

Kelly shook her head. "Blair is out of town and Dorian and David are still on their honeymoon, but it will be quiet. It will give me time to think about things."

"Absolutely not," Joey said adamantly.

Kelly looked at him, her eyes questioning.

"The last thing you need is to be all alone in a big house with no one to talk with. You're going to start thinking about Kevin and Zane and you're going to need someone," he said, reaching out to her. "Come home with me. Let me be here for you."

"I can't do that. Aubrey will never…"

"The hell with Aubrey," Joey yelled, calming himself when he realized how harsh his words had been. "Aubrey will understand. You just lost your son." Joey watched as the words sank in for Kelly. Her face crumbled.

"Hey," Joey gathered her into his arms, "I'm sorry. Let me help you. I want to."

Kelly felt his arms encircle her and she quickly nodded her head. "Ok," she quietly replied.

Part 3

Joey picked up her jacket and returned to her. "Did you have anything else with you?" he asked as he put his arm around her.

"No. That's it," she said quietly.

The sound of the door caused both of them to turn.

"Is John here?" Natalie asked, casting a suspicious look at Kelly.

"He left," Joey responded. "We were just about to."

"Didn't I tell you to keep your hands off my brother," Natalie hissed, at Kelly, her eyes glistening with rage. "I thought you and John were keeping each other's calendars pretty full."

Kelly didn't respond.

"What is it? Don't tell me you've grown a conscience now? You feel bad about breaking up a family? About taking the only father Liam has ever known away from him?" She looked at Kelly, who still didn't even bother to look up.

"No…you don't care about Liam do you? You don't even care about your own son. You dumped him off in boarding school…"

"Natalie," Joey said before he saw Kelly's hand raise in reaction.

Kelly's hand met her face in an almost involuntary reaction, "How dare you?" Kelly said, her voice trembling, her hands shaking, along with the rest of her.

Natalie stood stunned. "You bitch." She raised her hand to her face, looking over at Joey. As she took a step towards her, Joey stepped in.

"Outside," he said to Natalie, his voice strained, his eyes angry.

Looking at him, she realized she'd never seen him so serious. She followed him outside, where they stood in front of the window.

Kelly watched from inside as Joey delivered the news. He watched Natalie's hand fly to her mouth as she looked back inside at Kelly.

As the two entered, Natalie approached her, "Kelly…I…"

"Save it," Kelly said, attempting to cover the quiver in her voice. Turning to Joey she asked, "Can we please go?"

Joey nodded, "Yeah…Yeah, we can. Let's go home."

"Thank you, Nigel," Joey called as he watched him head up the stairs. He returned to the living room, he saw Kelly curled up on the couch, "Can I get you anything?" he said, taking a seat beside her.

"Natalie was right," she said softly. "I dumped him in a boarding school. I should have never left him there. I…"

"Kelly…Kelly stop," he said, cradling her face in his hands, "You did not dump your son in a boarding school. Zane was attending school in the same city where his father was. You two talked all the time. Zane was never abandoned. He knew how much you loved him."

"But I didn't get to tell him, " she said, her eyes full of tears, "I didn't get to tell him that I loved him one last time. I didn't even get to tell him goodbye."

Joey put his arms around her again, allowing his chin to rest on her shoulder, "It's ok. He knew. I promise you, he knew how much you loved him."

"I have nothing," she sobbed, her hand buried in his chest.

"That's not true, Kelly. You have me." Joey looked at her. She looked so lost. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I will get you through this. I promise."

"I don't think you can," she said softly.

"Neither do I," Aubrey said, walking in the room. "Somebody want to tell me what's going on here?"

Part 4

Joey turned to look at Aubrey, trying to find a way to quickly calm the situation, but it was too late. Aubrey's assessment of the situation had been swift, and nothing Joey could say or do was going to change what she had in mind.

"You know Joey, Kelly has her own life and…from what I've seen, she's got her own man to cry on, so why don't you let her be John McBain's problem and…" She stopped and hesitated slightly as she caught the look on Joey's face.

As he stood to meet her, she noticed the stained paths on his cheeks where tears had recently traveled. Her expression softened, "What is it?"

Kelly stood and walked to the window, not wanting to hear the situation explained to yet another unfortunate person. When she turned around again, Aubrey was gone, yet Joey remained.

"Do you need to go after her?" she asked, sadly looking at Joey.

"No." He put his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. "She'll be fine. You need me here and this is where I need to be."

Joey took a seat beside Kelly on the couch, sitting the tray he'd been carrying on the table in front of her. "Here," he said, handing her a bowl of fresh fruit, "You need to eat something."

"I don't want anything," she said softly, pushing the bowl away.

"Please, Kelly. You've got to eat something. You've got to keep your strength up."

"For what?" she asked, looking at him with tears in her eyes. "Who am I being strong for? My son is dead. My mother is dead. Dorian is married with her own life. And you…you're with Aubrey. I have nothing." She exhaled, her breath shaky, her face covered in tears that she could no longer suppress.

"Hey," he said softly, touching her face, "I'm right here. Just because I'm married, doesn't mean that I don't…." He stopped himself.

"What?" Kelly said looking at him. "What were you going to say?"

Joey took a deep breath and thought for a long moment. Now hardly seemed the time to express his feelings, yet Kelly needed him so much in this moment. He carefully touched her hair and pushed the bowl back towards her. "Can you eat something for me? I need you too you know."

Kelly looked at him for a long moment and slowly placed a piece of fruit in her mouth. She relaxed slightly as she felt Joey put his arm around her and pull her closer to him. It was definitely the beginning of a very long night.

"Zane!" Kelly screamed, sitting up quickly and looking around the room.

Joey drew her closer to him, brushing her hair behind her ears softly, "Hey, Kel…it's ok. It's a dream. It's ok."

Kelly sighed, leaning back on Joey. "I wish it were a dream. I wish this whole thing was just a terrible nightmare, but it's not. It's real."

Joey held her tighter, gently placing his lips on her temple. "I know. I do too. You said Zane's name. You were dreaming about him?"

Kelly nodded, "He was in trouble. He was in the water, calling my name, screaming for help…but I couldn't….I couldn't get to him. He needed me and I couldn't…" The tears overtook her as she broke into sobs.

"Don't do this to yourself," Joey said as he held her. "This is not your fault. There isn't anything you could have done to prevent this from happening."

"Maybe not," she said, her voice muffled, "but I could have been there with them. I could have gone with him."

"And you would have died too?" Joey pulled her off of him so that he could look into her eyes. "Do you think that would have made it better? Do you think that would have been easier?"

"I just don't want to hurt like this. If I had died with him, it would just be done. It would be over. I've got no one here that's counting on me." Kelly looked up at Joey.

"Kelly," Joey reached up and cradled her face in his hands, "If you had died with him, I couldn't have handled it. You're the only reason I'm still standing here."

"You shouldn't have to be strong for me," she said through the tears. "I'm just a burden now. I'm pulling everyone down."

"That's not what I mean," Joey said softly, "I need you here. Without you, there isn't anyone that really understands me. You know me better than any of these people in this town. You and I we have this….connection. We always have."

Kelly leaned back against the couch. "That's over now," she said sadly. "Everything's over now."

"What if I told you it wasn't?" Joey said, his voice questioning slightly. "What if I told you my feelings never changed? Would that change the way you felt about living? Would you feel like there was something left for you here?"

Staring at him, she could see he was serious. "What are you saying, Joey?"

Part 5

"I care about you Kelly. You know that." There was so much more he could say—so much more he wanted to say, but now wasn't the time. Kelly wasn't in the frame of mind to hear it and this certainly wasn't the time for him to be professing his love—here in his home—the home he shared with his wife.

Kelly sighed, "I know you do. I care about you too. It's just that…I feel so empty. I feel like I've lost everything." She struggled to find the words to describe her pain but there weren't any. Even the tears were gone now. She felt completely and totally drained.

"You don't have to explain anything to me," Joey said softly. "You don't have to talk, but you can if you want to. You can yell. You can scream. You can cry. You can do whatever you need to do, but I'll be right here. I just want to help you. I want to do whatever I can to help you through this."

Kelly looked over at him. "I just keep thinking about the last conversation I had with Kevin. I was annoyed with him because he was taking Zane on a trip for his break. I had thought about going up to London for a few days to see him over break, but Kevin already had this guy thing planned. I snapped at him, Joey. It was the last conversation I had with him, and I left things like that."

Reaching up to touch her face, he brought her head towards his chest. "I know. We didn't exactly have the best conversation the last time we talked either. We talked about Dad and about all his legal issues. Kevin was upset that I hadn't kept him the loop and we argued. If I'd known it was going to be the last time I'd ever talk to him…" Joey's voice broke as the thought about the sound of the phone as he clicked it closed. "I didn't even tell him goodbye."

"How do we live with that?" she asked him, the pain now so heavy on her heart she felt as if she were being crushed. "How do you live with that kind of regret?"

Joey shook his head, "I don't know," he whispered honestly. "I wish to God I knew."

Part 6

John walked up behind her, searching his mind for words. Conversation wasn't his strongest area, and in situations like these, nothing seemed appropriate. "Kelly," he whispered, tensing when she turned around.

She forced a small smile as she looked at him, grateful that he came. "Thank you," she softly replied. "Thank you for coming."

"Of course. I wish there was something…I mean, if there's anything. You know you can call me if I can do anything." He looked away. The words felt small and stupid and completely insignificant. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled the slip of paper out, and held it out towards her. "There's no good way to do this."

"What's this?" She was too tired to do anything at this point. There were no more tears. Her eyes were sore and her heart felt as if it couldn't break anymore.

"The search and rescue team…they found it…stuffed into backs of the seat. It's a note…from Kevin." John stood there, waiting for her response.

She slowly lowered herself into the chair. "He wrote a note to me?" Her voice trembled as she spoke. Why on earth would he write a note to her? "What does it say?" she asked, looking up at John.

"It's yours to read…not mine. I don't know what it says. I just know it was written to you."

She extended her hand, holding the note out towards him. "Please," she said softly. "I can't, John…I just can't. Can you?"

"Kelly," he began… "I think maybe you should…"

"You asked if there was anything you could do," she spoke, her words deliberate now, almost angry. "You can do this."

Sitting down in the seat beside her, he slowly unfolded the paper and began to read.

Kelly,

I hope you don't read this, but if you do, I'm not here to tell you this, so I need to say it now. Zane is with me. He's asleep. He doesn't know anything….I'll make sure he's not afraid. Don't worry. After everything we've been through together, we raised a real good kid. You and Zane gave me the best years of my life. Don't ever forget that. I hope I gave you some good times too. For whatever reason, our time here is over…I wish to God it wasn't, but it is. Yours isn't. Don't stop your life for this. You keep living. You find joy again. You're too good not to. You remember what you told me when you came back to London. You remember who you love…who you always loved….and who will always love you. Keep loving for me and for Zane.

Love always,

Kevin

John folded the letter, clearing his throat and handing the letter back to Kelly.

"John," Kelly started, aware that the words in the letter meant something to him as well.

"No," John replied, holding his hand up to her. "He's right. You should be with the man you love….and with the man who loves you." He looked over towards the front of the church, where Joey stood talking with his mother. He hadn't missed his stares over the past few minutes.

"So, should you," Kelly whispered softly.

John nodded, leaning forward and kissing her softly on the cheek. "If you need anything…"

"I will," she smiled, placing the letter in her purse as John walked away.

She stood as she heard footsteps behind her. "You ready to go?" Joey asked, allowing his hand to brush the small of her back. "Or," he looked over at John, who stood by the wall. "Did you want to go back with him?"

"No." She reached up touching his face and leaning into his arms as he wrapped them around her waist. "I think for the first time in a long time, I'm where I need to be."


	8. Just a Dream

He sat on the table sipping the hot coffee. The more he tried not to think about, the more the visions permeated his thoughts. It had all seemed so real, and what was worse is that it could have been real. It could have been his reality.

It had been a long day at the office. Being a photographer was his dream, but it often meant long hours, grueling photo shoots, and endless hours of studying angles and lighting hoping to get just one front-page worthy shot. As he pulled into the driveway, he could feel the tension leaving his body. Just being there made him relax. He made it down the walk quickly and smiled as he heard the footsteps rushing to the door before his key even completed its turn.

"Daddy!" the little girl squealed as she threw her arms around his knees. He swooped her up to return the affection and gazed into the blue eyes that always made him melt.

"Have you been good for your Mommy today?" he asked, kissing her quickly on the forehead and he plopped her on the couch and sat his bag down by the door.

"Uh huh," she nodded. "She's been real busy."

"She has?" he said, smiling at her and leaning in close. "What's she been doing?" he whispered.

"I can't tell you," she smiled. "It's a secret. You're not 'pose to know."

"Ah," he smiled. "C'mon." He scooped her into his arms. "Let's go find her."

He walked into the kitchen and immediately spotted Kelly. She was completely engrossed in her work. Plates and dishes covered the kitchen and a film of what appeared to be flour coated every square inch of work space. He stifled a small laugh with his hand. Holding up his finger to his lips, he softly sat Lindsay down and quietly crept up behind her.

"What'cha doin?" he said, jabbing her lightly in the side.

"Joey!" she screamed turning around and squirting half a bag of icing down the front of his shirt. "You scared me!"

He leaned in for a quick kiss. "Sorry. Just having a little fun. But um…what exactly are you doing here?"

"It's your birthday," she sighed. "I was making a cake, but you ruined it…"

He smiled. "Yeah, this is definitely where it all fell apart."

She playfully swatted his shoulder. "That's mean." She looked over to her daughter. "Isn't it Linds? We've been working hard to make Daddy this cake all day, haven't we?"

Lindsay nodded, her big blue eyes shining up at him.

Joey picked up his daughter and drew Kelly close. "And I love it…not because it's a cake or because it's perfect, but because the two most beautiful girls in the world made it for me."

Lindsay smiled and looked over at Kelly. "Can I go change now Mommy?" Her eyes gleamed with excitement.

"Don't tell me you bought a new party dress," Joey said, feigning exasperation.

"Sure, go ahead," Kelly said smiling.

Lindsay rushed out of the room at record speed.

"She certainly seems excited about something," Joey remarked as he rubbed the icing off his shirt with a damp washcloth. "You know, you didn't have to do all this. Any night I get to come home to you and our little girl is special enough."

Leaning in for a quick kiss she whispered, "I did have to…tonight is special. It's your birthday and besides…I have a surprise for you." Kelly turned around so he couldn't see her face. She'd been waiting for just the right moment, and when she'd seen the shirt, she knew it was perfect.

"Are you ready, Mommy? Can I come out now?" Lindsay yelled from the hallway.

"Sure, come on out sweetie." Lindsay walked into the room.

"That doesn't look like a party dress," Joey smiled as he saw the t-shirt and jeans the six year old wore. "Since when do you go casual for a.." His words stopped when he saw the words on the shirt… I'm Gonna Be A Big Sister.

He turned, looking at Kelly, "You're…"

Tears filled her eyes, as she struggled to maintain her composure. She nodded.

His arms were around her in seconds. "I love you," he whispered. He turned back to Lindsay, who stood in the middle of the kitchen beaming over a job well done. "And you," he swung her around in his arms, "are the best surprise giver in all the world."

"I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

A crash in the back brought him back to reality. He watched as Kelly sat down across the table from a well dressed man. She smiled and waved as she caught his eye. He waved back, forcing a smile in return. It was, after all, just a dream.

The End


	9. Apologize

I'm sorry." The words echoed in her head as she sat on the exam table. Two little words that in any other context might have made her feel better — comforted…even loved….but not when the words came after a night that meant so much. It was the look in his eyes when he said it—that look of shameful regret, as if he'd somehow taken advantage of her. Kelly covered her face with her hands, trying to shake the mental images.

Six weeks ago, almost to the date, she'd ended up in a place she'd dreamed of being many times, back in Joey's arms. True, together they'd polished off nearly two bottles of wine, but they were still together, and for a moment, it was as if nothing had changed. She willed herself to believe that it wasn't the alcohol that led him to kiss her, and in truth, she didn't believe he would have needed the extra incentive. Aubrey's betrayal had left him looking for comfort, and she was always his soft place to fall. She wanted to be there for him—to help him, and for the first time in years, he'd opened up to her. He told her how he felt, how much he needed her, how much he'd missed her.

The next morning, she woke up next to him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if she'd been away for so long and finally come home. Looking over at his face, her happiness waned.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I had no right to do this to you. I had too much to drink and I came here and dumped all of my problems…all my stuff on you. I took advantage of the fact that you still…." He allowed his voice to trail off as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Her heart broke. Hearing him apologize to her, to seemingly brush off the night as nothing more than a familiar comfort nearly crushed her. Summoning all her courage, she stood and wrapped the sheet around her, "It's fine," she said, fighting back tears, "You needed someone and I was here…that's all that matters."

After she'd dressed, she hurriedly headed to the door. Looking behind her, he looked as if he wanted to say something more, but he didn't. She left without looking back a second time—fearful that another look might propel her back into his arms.

She knew she'd remember that night forever, she just didn't expect such a tangible reminder. Kelly slid her hand over her still flat stomach. She had to tell him—he deserved to know.

Part 2

She took a deep breath and clutched her purse close to her. It was too early for morning sickness, she reasoned, so this must just be nerves—pure and simple. It was silly really, being nervous about talking to Joey. She'd talked to him a million times—about a million things. They'd told each other their deepest, darkest secrets. They'd shared stories together, made memories, even pulled each other through some of the dark times, but as she stood here now, she felt completely and totally alone. She knocked on the door quickly, afraid that any further hesitation would give her a chance to leave.

Joey's face at the door surprised her.

"Joey," she said, her breath catching in her throat. "It's you."

"I do live here," he said, smiling slightly. "You were expecting someone else?"

"No..No." She laughed, trying to recover. Nigel was supposed to be here first. He was supposed to be her buffer. "Of course I expected to see you. I came here to see you. Can I come in?"

Joey looked at her. He'd seen this look many times…and it was very rarely a good thing. "Sure." He stepped back and allowed her to walk inside. As he studied her more intently, she seemed different. It wasn't just about her being nervous.

She seemed sad. "Hey," he said, softly as he followed her to the sofa. "Is something wrong, Kelly?"

"I need to talk to you." She could feel her hands begin to shake as she mentally chided herself for being so stupid. Joey was too good of a guy to be difficult about that, but that was part of the problem. She loved him and she desperately wanted him to love her too, but the last thing she wanted was his pity or his obligation. "It's about the other night….the night we were together."

The look returned. The same look she'd seen in his eyes before he'd said those words…the words that made her feel sick inside. The tears began to fall before she could stop them.

Before she could stop him, he was on his feet, retrieving a tissue for her. His hand was on her shoulder as he softly whispered to her. "It's ok, Kel. I know. We should have talked about this before now. This is my fault. It was stupid to think we could just act like it didn't happen."

Kelly looked up at him…waiting on him to continue. He'd thought about it, too? He'd considered bringing it up again? It meant enough to him to consider a discussion—maybe it meant more than she thought.

"What I did," he began, "What I did to you…was….it was wrong," he said, lowering his eyes. "You have always been such a good friend to me and for me to come in and use our friendship…"

"Stop. Just stop." Kelly stood up, walking away from the sofa and turning her back to him.

"You have every right to be upset," he continued. "I took advantage of the situation. I used our history and our friendship to create a situation that shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake…it was my mistake and I'm sorry."

Kelly whirled around, her eyes shone with tears and fury. "You're sorry?" Her voice quivered with anger. "You're sorry? You know what Joey…I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I came here. I'm sorry that I thought that we could…."

Joey stood up and walked over to her, surprised by her sudden outburst and concerned by her anger. "We could what?"

"Nothing," she said, grabbing her keys from the table. "I can't….I can't do this…." She ran towards the door with Joey close behind her.

"Kelly, wait!" He watched as she quickly slammed the car door and sped from the drive. Sighing he closed the door behind him and walked back into the room. Her purse lay on the sofa, where she'd left it in her rush to leave. Its contents were spilling out over the edge. As he carefully placed them back inside, a bottle caught his eye.

Turning the bottle around in his hand, he read the label. These were Kelly's, but they were new…still sealed. And the physician on record was….a name he recognized. This was the doctor his sister had seen when she was…

Joey felt his heartbeat faster. That's why she'd come. That's what she was here to tell him. He had to find her…he had to find them both.

Part 3

He leaned down against the steering wheel, allowing his head to rest there for a moment. Dorian had no reason to lie to him. Kelly wasn't home. She wasn't at her office. He'd driven by the parks, checked her favorite restaurants, and called her cell phone constantly.

He slowly got out of the car and walked into the Palace. This was the only other place he knew to check. The only place he could think of that Kelly would come. As he opened the access door that led to the roof, she turned to look at him.

Joey held out her purse. "You left this." He waiting until she reached to take it.

"Thanks," she said softly. "You can go."

"And these," he said, reaching into his pocket and taking out the bottle. "Before you say anything….I wasn't looking through your things. These had fallen out of your purse and I was just putting the back in. I recognized the doctor's name." He paused to look at Kelly—closing the distance between them. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Kelly felt fresh tears falling from her eyes. They stung her eyes which were raw from the morning she'd endured. "I…I was going to tell you."

Joey nodded. "I know. Are you? I mean…Is everything ok?" He knew things hadn't been easy for Kelly with her previous pregnancies and it scared him to death to think this might be putting her at risk.

She shook her head, still unable to look him in the eyes. "I have to go back in two weeks for more blood work, but right now…everything looks fine." She forced herself to look at him. "I'm not expecting you to do anything, Joey. I'm not asking you for anything."

Joey looked at her, stunned at her words. "Kelly. Why would you say that?"

"You made it pretty clear how you feel….about that night..about what it was."

Joey reached for her hand…"No," he said, shaking his head, and looking at her. "Kelly, listen. I do feel bad about that night, but not because it happened…because of the way it happened."

Kelly could feel herself begin to shake again. "Joey..I can't. Please don't."

"Hear me out," he said softly, reaching to place his jacket around her shoulders. "I should have never come over there that night. I was so angry at Aubrey and I'd already been drinking. I knew I wasn't in a good place, but I needed you. I wanted you to fix it. I should have never let things happen like they did."

"Joey, I can't listen to you go on and on about how that night shouldn't have happened," she said tearfully, "It hurts too much. It may not have meant much to you, but it meant a lot to me."

"No…see, you don't understand. That's why I feel so bad. The way it happened….it made it seem like you were just a shoulder to cry on…and you're so much more than that. You mean so much more than that. You are so much more than that to me."

Kelly didn't speak for a moment. She blinked to clear the tears from her eyes. "What?" she managed.

"I never want you to feel like I'm using you or that you're not the only thing I'm thinking about. I'm sorry that we were together that night…not because it didn't mean anything, but because you mean too much to me for it to have happened the way it did. It should have been special." He looked at her. "But, I guess it was special…more special than either of us realized."

"So, you don't regret it…that night? I mean..the fact that we were together?"

Joey smiled at her, touching her face. "I regret the fact that you thought it was less than it was. I regret the fact that I didn't make you feel as special and as loved as you are…but most of all, I regret the fact that we've lost more time. I don't want to lose any more. This baby…this baby isn't a mistake…it isn't bad timing…and it is certainly not something I regret."

Kelly smiled through her tears. "I don't think that either."

"This baby is our chance to build a life together. Now come on," he gently brushed the tears off her face, "I don't want to make you cry anymore. Let me make all this up to you. Let me make you happy. "

She smiled and threw her arms around him as he held her close. "You already have," she whispered.

The End


	10. Closing Time

Kelly reached into the back of the closet to pull the last of the boxes from the shelf.

"Come on Aunt Dorian," she sighed, shaking her head with a smile. "It's past time. There's really nothing left for me here." She paused, preparing herself for the Cramer family pep talk that was sure to come.

"No…No…It's done. It's decided. I'm sorry. I just want to get back to London. Kevin says there's a place for me at BE, I can be closer to Zane, it's all going to work out…everything will work out the way it was supposed to."

Sitting the phone on the bed for a moment, she listened to the sound of her Aunt's voice as it echoed from the receiver. For a moment she regretted answering the phone.

"Listen Aunt Dorian," she said into the phone as she picked it up again. "I've really got to go. I've got to get these boxes packed. The movers will be here soon to help with some of the boxes and I've got lots more to do." Throwing a few more pairs of shoes in the box, she nodded, "I will…I'll call you, I promise." With the press of the button, she turned off the phone, placing it back on the base.

"It is time," she said quietly, closing up the last of the boxes. "This will be good."

"Thank you," she called, waving to the movers as they pulled away from the house. She stepped back into the house, closing the door behind her. Now all she had left to pack was a suitcase with some clothes, toiletries, and jewelry.

As she stepped back into the room and opened the suitcase, she began to stack the already folded clothing into the bag. She'd always had nice clothes and beautiful things to surround her, but now as she loaded the last of her belongings into the suitcase, she realized just how little the things really meant to her. She'd give it all up…every bit of it…to have someone to share it with.

Her hand fell on the cold leather of the jacket. Within minutes memories flooded her mind. She could see him, standing in front of her, still feel his strong around her, still hear his soft, gentle voice call her name. Joey was, and probably always would be, the only man she'd ever move across country to get to-or away from.

Joey brought the bottle to his lips, closing his eyes as the cool liquid slid down his throat. He glanced down at his watch. 9:30…Especially pathetic since he hadn't even picked the woman up until 7. It was a disaster. He'd tried to make conversation, but they had nothing in common. He'd tried cracking jokes, but she didn't laugh. He'd even tried being comfortable with the silence, but somehow it grew more and more awkward and eventually he admitted defeated and offered to drive her home. The fact that she accepted so readily confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that his love life was a disaster.

"Four cold ones," a voice boomed from beside him.

Joey glanced over, nodding at the men as they slumped onto the bar stools.

"Sorry," the man mumbled. "It's just been a hell of a day. We moved this woman today who had more stuff than any one person has a right to…it's those rich folks…you know." He glanced down at the watch on Joey's wrist, realizing immediately that Joey was one of those rich folks. "Sorry," he mumbled again, "No disrespect."

"None taken," he said, waving his hand at him. "I've had a hell of a day too. Tell you what, drinks are on me tonight."

"Thanks guy," he said, "You ever need anything moved, you give us a call," he smiled.

"I'll keep that in mind," he sighed.

"Did you see this?" the guy at the end of the bar asked, "That Cramer chick gave us a hell of a tip."

Joey froze, "Did you say Cramer?"

"Yeah," he said looking back over at him. "Cramer….the first name was Kelly I think." One look at Joey's face and it was obvious the name meant something to him. "You uh…You know her?"

"I used to," he said sadly, bringing the bottle to his lips and taking a long gulp. "So, where's she moving this time? Back to the Palace?"

"No…across the pond. London I think she said."

Reaching into his pocket, Joey grabbed for cash, slamming it down on the bar. Moving across town was one thing, but this…this meant Kelly was moving on—once and for all.

Nights like this always made her want to cry. The sky was clear and bright and the stars seemed endless. She didn't come up here as much as she used to, but it seemed only fitting that she come here tonight. One last visit…One last goodbye. She pulled the leather jacket around her tighter, the cold wind nipping at her face as she stood, staring up at the moon.

Carefully studying the constellations, she found it, the star—her star—the one Joey had bought just for her. So many times over the years, they'd stood there on that roof, staring up at the stars together, and tonight as she stood there, she could still remember all of them just like they'd happened yesterday.

It was almost like she hear him now—calling her name.

"Kel," Joey called out again. Somehow he'd known exactly where to come tonight…they were connected—they always had been.

She turned, her eyes shining in the moonlight. "Joey," she whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you. I heard you were moving…I need to see you."

"Why," she managed, taking a step towards him, her voice shaking a bit. The sight of him still got to her. It brought back memories, thoughts, feelings…. "Did you come here to say goodbye?"

This time he was the one to move forward. He now stood so close to her that she could feel the warmth of his body.

"Is that what you want? To say goodbye?" He looked at her. His mind ran through all the times in the past when he'd stared into her eyes. Of all the times they'd talked, all the fights they'd had, all the laughs they shared, somehow tonight—this moment—felt different. It was as if everything that meant anything hinged on this very second.

"I was going to call you," she whispered, "Before I…."

"A phone call?" His voice shook. "That's what I was going to get? A phone call?"

"I just…I thought it would be best…easier." She looked away for a moment. His eyes on her felt heavy, as if he could somehow see through her, into her mind and her heart.

"Easier," he repeated, a question lingering in his voice. "You didn't want to see me? You didn't want to say goodbye to me in person. You don't think I deserved that? You don't think we deserved that?"

"I didn't think I could," she said quietly, finally managing to look into his eyes again. "If I tried to say goodbye to you, I was afraid I wouldn't go."

The silence settled over the two of them for a moment. Joey noticed, for the first time, that she was wearing the jacket, his jacket—the one she'd ruined all those years ago.

"You kept it?" He reached out, touching the collar of the jacket, allowing his fingers to brush against her neck as he pulled his hand away. "I can't believe you kept it," he said again.

"I've kept everything," she said quietly. "It helps me remember."

"I don't need any help," he whispered, reaching out and taking her hand. "I remember everything…every date, every kiss, every moment…everything."

"Me too," she whispered, the warmth of his hand around hers now sending a sensation throughout her entire body, "I just…I don't want to remember this as the way it ends."

"Then don't," he whispered, pulling her close to him and wrapping his around her. "Forget about the past…and focus on right now…this moment…a new beginning."

"But I'm leaving…for London in a few hours." She looked up at him, impressed by her ability to form words with his arms around her.

"Not without me you're not," he whispered.

She could have argued with him. She could have told him why it didn't make sense. She could have listed a million reasons that it wouldn't work out—because it hadn't so many times before, but for some reason, tonight she didn't do anything of those things. Tonight she simply stood there, wrapped up in the moment and in his arms. It really was a new beginning.


	11. Easy Silence

Her calm, deep breaths were the only sounds he heard as he stared up at the ceiling above him. They'd fought again tonight—not that it was anything new for them. They fought a lot, but tonight was bad—even for them.

"That's just it, Kevin. You don't seem to care about us at all. If you cared about our marriage half as much as you seem to care about the success of BE, we wouldn't have to keep having the same damn argument all the time!" The look on her face had been one of anger mixed with desperation. For weeks, she'd been begging him to take some a day off, to go on a weekend away, to spend some time alone with her, but he couldn't walk away from the company...not now.

"I do care about this marriage. Why would you even say something like that? Why do you think I'm here? Why do you think I keep fighting with you about this? It's because I care so much. It's because I want this to work!" He was more hurt than angry, but his words came out as harsh retorts and their intended meaning got lost behind the bravado.

"You have a funny way of showing it," she'd snapped, turning her back and heading up the stairs.

He'd followed her, calling her name and reaching out for her. "Wait a minute, Kelly. I want to talk about this. Don't walk away from me."

She'd turned, and for the first time, he'd noticed the tears streaming down her face. She'd cried before...many times, but this time it was different. This time she seemed almost...tired. Tired of fighting, tired of trying, tired of all of it.

"Kevin," she'd softly whispered, pulling her arm away from him. "I just can't. I can't do it anymore. It isn't fair to you. It isn't fair to me and it certainly isn't fair to Zane. We can't keep pretending that we have a relationship when what we really have is a business arrangement."

Sharp tongues cut sharper than the sharpest swords—it was a phrase used by one of his German business associates, but at that exact moment, he truly understand the meaning of the statement. "Is that really what you think?" His words had been a mere whisper as he stood in front of her.

She'd been still for a moment, her eyes searching his. He could see no more anger there, only hurt and resignation. Slowly she shrugged her shoulders. "Isn't it?" she softly whispered.

It was at that moment that he'd climbed the two steps that separated them, taken her into his arms and pulled her closer to him. Not a word was spoken as they slowly made their way to the bedroom.

She shifted closer to him, her eyes blinking open slowly. Turning her head a little, she stared up at him, pausing for a moment before she spoke. "So what does this mean?" she asked quietly.

He smiled, reaching out and touching her hair. There were no easy answers especially not to questions like these. Their life was one of complications and things for them would never be simple.

"Well, we're not fighting," he smiled, happy to see her smile back at him. "I think maybe we call this the beginning. Again," he added. "What do you think?" He checked her face for a reaction. "I'm in if you are."

She smiled, laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm in," she whispered, closing her eyes again as she felt his warm arms wrap around her. "If you're not careful, I could fall for you all over again."

Kevin smiled, looking down at her, "That's kind of what I'm counting on." Leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead, he allowed his own eyes to close. It would be difficult for a dream to beat this.


	12. Meant to Be

Meant To Be

Part 1

She never realized how much she hated hospitals. It was everything about them, really. The way the nurses walked past you as if you were invisible, the beeping and hissing of the machines, the strange, somber, and unreadable expressions of the doctors as they exited the rooms of the people you loved. Nothing about this night seemed real. The call had come in just after dusk. John had been kind, but honest. Tess and Cutter in one car, Aubrey, Brody, and Ford in the other—she couldn't imagine how it had all happened, but at the moment none of that mattered.

The cup of coffee in her hands had long since lost its warmth, not that it had ever actually been drinkable. She looked across the room to see Joey pacing back and forth. He'd been like that for hours…not speaking…not making eye contact…just pacing.

Slowly she walked over to him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. "Can I get you anything?" she said quietly.

Joey looked at her, his eyes red and bloodshot. "No. I just wish they'd tell us something. I mean Jessica…I mean Tess...she's been in there for hours and Aubrey…she." He stopped, looking at the floor. "How long does it take to examine someone!" he yelled. He threw his hand in the air and Kelly stepped back at his unusual reaction.

"I know." She had no idea what to say. "I'm sure we'll hear something soon." She put a supportive hand on his shoulder and he reached up to cover it with his own.

As the swinging doors opened, the doctor emerged. "Mr. Buchanan," he said, making his way towards Joey. "Why don't we step in here and talk for a moment?"

Kelly glanced back into the waiting room and made eye contact with Clint and Vicki, both of whom were standing. She shook her head to indicate that this wasn't about Jessica. They nodded and returned to their seat.

Joey stepped into the small room. The walls were painted a pleasant shade of pink, which at the moment seemed unnatural. Such a cheerful room shouldn't be used for such purposes, he thought to himself. "I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Buchanan," the doctor started. There were more words, he heard the noise coming out of the middle aged man's mouth, but they no longer made coherent sense. All he knew for sure was that Aubrey wasn't coming out of that room. She wasn't ever coming back again. Aubrey was gone.

"Mr. Buchanan," the doctor said, laying a hand on his shoulder, "Are your parents in the waiting area?"

The mention of his parents snapped his mind back to attention. "Yeah, yeah, they are. Do you have news about Jessica?"

As the doctor opened the door, Joey could hear him speak the names of his parents. They came into the room, all exchanging worried glances. His ears already rang, his heart pounded. It was if he knew what was going to be said before the words were ever spoken. "We did everything we could, but the impact was so severe. Her injuries were just too substantial."

Reaching out for his mother, Joey felt her body shake with a flood of tears. His sister, the one he was supposed to protect was gone. Looking back at the doctor, he composed himself, "The others?" he asked, his voice shaking. "Are they?"

"We need to notify the next of kin," the doctor said quietly.

Joey nodded. He knew the doctor couldn't tell him that there were no survivors, but that, in itself, was an answer.

He felt Clint's hand on his back, "Son? You wanna sit down?" Clint asked, raising his eyebrows at Joey.

"I need to go tell Kelly," Joey said stoically.

Part 2

(The next day)

The steady stream of visitors had been exhausting. One after another, in and out, the hugs, the calls, the casseroles—it seemed endless. Kelly had been helping out at the house, trying to do what she could. In truth, Joey thought, she was keeping busy so she didn't think about Jessica. Though she was putting up a brave face, he knew her too well to think she was handling this as well as she claimed.

A rare moment of calm fell upon the house, and for a moment there were no visitors. Kelly stepped into the living room and fell onto the couch. "Wow," she sighed, "You have a lot of people that care about you," she smiled, putting her head on his shoulder.

Joey looked down at her. "Yeah, we do. A lot of people….They just keep coming."

"They just want to help," she said quietly. "They're doing all they know to do. You know the lawyer is coming over later to go over the arrangements."

Joey ran his hand over his face, "Right. I remember. That's gonna be tough. To be honest, I'm surprised Jessica even had arrangements. I mean, who even thinks about something like that at her age."

Kelly sat up, "Well, I mean, I think once you have a child, your priorities change a little. You start thinking about things differently."

Joey sat silent, "I guess. Maybe. It just seems so….I don't know..morbid." Looking at Kelly, he asked, "You mean you have stuff written out? You have arrangements?"

"Well, yeah." She nodded, turning away a little. "I mean, it's not like I've planned the entire funeral or anything, but I've got the major stuff down. Where I want to be buried….what I want to wear…who I want to speak. That kind of stuff."

Joey was stunned. Of all people to think that far ahead, Kelly Cramer was the last person he'd think of. "Since when did you become a planner?" he asked, actually able to smile a little.

"Oh, stop it," she said quietly, playfully slapping him.

As the sound of the doorbell rang, the two turned to see who was entering. The well dressed man was clearly the lawyer Jessica had hired to handle her affairs.

"Hello," Kelly said standing and extending her head. "I'm sorry, but Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan aren't in at the moment. We weren't expecting you until a little later."

"Ah that's alright," the man said succinctly. "I'm Elliot Wallace. I'll be handling the estate matters. Actually I need to speak with several individuals before I speak to the entire group." He reached into his briefcase, pulling out a group of papers. "Kelly Cramer and Joey Buchanan….Can you tell me where I can find them."

Joey and Kelly exchanged confused glances. "You've found them," Kelly said, gesturing back at Joey. "Why do you need to see us?"

Mr. Wallace looked at the two in confusion. "You don't know?" He flipped through the pages, to ensure he was relaying the correct information. "I just assumed someone had spoken with you about this."

"About what?" Joey said, now joining Kelly and standing by her side.

"Mrs. Ford's dependents…Ryder and Brennan," he said, looking at the two, still slightly stunned by their confused expressions.

"What about them?" Joey asked, now becoming slightly annoyed.

"You were…well, the two of you are named in these documents," Mr. Wallace said, looking back at Joey and then glancing at Kelly. "Mrs. Ford was very clear about her wishes. She wanted the children to be raised by the two of you. Here," he said, handing Kelly a letter, "She even left this for you. I'll give you two a moment." He turned and walked from the room, leaving Joey and Kelly to stare at each other in complete and total disbelief.

Part 3

"This has to be some kind of mistake," Kelly said as she walked back into the living room. "I mean of all people. Why us? Your parents are here. Her sister…I mean, Liam and Ryder are practically the same age. They could have grown up together.

Why us?"

Joey just shook his head. "I don't know, Kel. Why don't you open the letter and find out?"

"It doesn't make any sense. Why would she pick us to give her children too?" Kelly was now taking her turn at pacing the floor.

"Kelly!" Joey said, taking her shoulders in his hands, "The letter…open it. Maybe we'll figure something out if we actually read what she had to say."

Kelly's face fell, "Right, sorry." Her hands shook as she tried to open the seal.

Carefully covering her hands with his, Joey took the letter and carefully opened it. He held the letter out to her, but the tears were already falling. "I can't," she whispered…."Can you?"

Joey nodded and slowly began to read.

"Dear Kelly,

I hope you'll never have to read this. If you do, that means that you're probably really confused right now. I want you to know that this wasn't a hard decision for me. I know you probably think I made the wrong choice, but I promise you, I've never been so sure about anything in my life. After Ryder was born, I started thinking about everything that has happened in my life….about everything I've been through and I realized something. You're my best friend. You've always been there for me. No matter what my problems were…no matter what I did or didn't do…no matter what kind of trouble I got into, you were there. You didn't judge me. You just loved me and supported me. That's what I want for my children.

I love Mom and Dad, but I want my kids to grow up with someone who knows how to have fun..and (seriously) someone who knows how to raise a little hell when it's necessary. I know that you'll fight for them if you have to and you'll teach them how to fight for themselves when they need to know. Teach them all the things I love about you…teach them how to laugh when you feel like crying and teach them how to be the best dresser in this town.

I know you're probably wondering about Joey. I know he's married and all, but he loves you. I want you to teach Ryder and Bree about that kind of love. The kind of love that doesn't go away when you're with other people, the kind of connection that can pick right back up then years later, and the kind of friendship that you'd lay down your life for.

My children will be lucky to have you and Joey in their life. You will make them better people…you'll help them become intelligent, strong people. I hope they'll help you find your happiness too.

Love Always,

Jessica

"Wow," Joey said, wiping his eyes, as he folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope. "She certainly knew how to make a point." Reaching out to Kelly, he pulled her close to him. "It's gonna be fine," he whispered.

"I don't think I can do this, Joey," she whispered, allowing the tears she'd been fighting all day to finally fall.

"You don't have to do this alone," he said quietly, looking down at her. "I'll be here to help you. Remember, she wanted us to do this together."

"She was still being a matchmaker," Kelly smiled.

"Yeah, she was," Joey smiled back. "She always did think we were meant to be together."

Kelly nodded, wiping her eyes. "She used to tell me that you would never love anyone the way you loved me."

"She was right," Joey whispered, standing up and walking over to the fireplace. Rubbing his face with his hands, he sighed, "It's crazy, you know. My wife is dead and I should be mourning her, but all I can think of is that….things changed so fast. If you had gone after Jessica instead of Aubrey, if it had been you in that car….If I had lost you…"

"Hey," she said, walking over to him and taking his hands, "I'm fine. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. We've got two children to raise, remember?" She smiled a little at him. "I've got to learn how to make pot roast or something."

Joey pulled her into a hug, smiling through his tears, "Let's start with take out and work our way up."

Part 4

Two months later…

It was amazing how quickly things had changed. The world moved on, and everyone moved with it. Kelly carefully turned the last page, "So cried the stars to the fishermen three, Winken, and Blinken, and Nod."

Hearing the footsteps behind her, she quietly stood and clicked off the lamp. "Is Ryder down?" she asked in a whisper.

"Out like a light," Joey whispered as he pulled her close to him. Looking down at Bree, he leaned closer to her ear, "You're really good with her," he smiled. "What were you reading?"

"Oh," Kelly said, staring down at the book. "I found it at a bookstore last week. It had this nursery rhyme that my Mom used to read to me….before she….you know."

Joey softly kissed her forehead, "I'm sure she's proud of you. She's watching over you and she sees what a wonderful woman you've become and what an amazing mother you are."

Kelly turned in his arms, "Thank you for saying that," she whispered. "It's funny, you know. The things you remember. I can remember being a little girl and her reading me this nursery rhyme and stroking my hair until I fell asleep. I felt so safe then."

"Your mom really loved you. You two obviously shared a really special connection." Joey gently touched Kelly's face, trying to comfort her.

"We did. I hope I can have that connection one day with our child," Kelly said softly.

"You're doing a great job, Kelly. Ryder and Bree adore you. There's no way they would be doing as well as they are right now if it weren't for you," he said, looking at her. "Wait a minute," he said, standing still, and drawing in a quick breath, "Did you say our child?"

Kelly looked at him, "I wasn't sure how to tell you," she admitted tearfully. "I know this is a lot. It isn't something we were planning for and…"

Joey stopped her with a kiss, "Sometimes the best plan is not to have a plan," he whispered, smiling at her.

"So you're ok? You're not freaked out?" She had this moment in her mind where she was terrified Joey would be so overwhelmed that he'd run out.

"No," he smiled, "I'm not freaked out. I mean, I'm surprised, but I'm happy, and," he added, glancing up "I can think of one other person, that's happy right about now."

Kelly nodded as Joey leaned in for a kiss. She had never imagined it would end up like this…especially after everything that happened, but as she looked at Jessica's picture on the wall, she smiled. Some things were meant to be after all.

The End


	13. Paris

Paris

"Dining alone?" Aubrey asked as she sauntered past Kelly.

Kelly glanced up from her glass of red. After the day she'd had, the last thing she wanted to do was to fight with Aubrey. "Yeah," she sighed. "That was kind of the plan."

"Oh," Aubrey chirped happily, "I'm waiting for Joey. He must be running late from work. I'll keep you company."

"Great," Kelly sighed, shifting her chair over slightly. It was disturbing how the mere sight of a person could make you want to vomit.

"I'm actually glad I ran into you," Aubrey blathered, "It'll give me a chance to pick your brain for a minute." A sly grin crossed her face. "Joey and I are planning this incredibly romantic getaway. He told me about this great hotel in Paris and we're going to take a little trip there…kind of a long weekend. I know you used to live there…thought you might have some tips."

Kelly felt her throat tighten. No…he wouldn't have…He couldn't have told her about that. It's some weird, random coincidence—just another bit of evidence that the universe had some huge conspiracy against her. She shook her head, banishing the thoughts. "No sorry…No recommendations. It's been a long time since I lived there."

Aubrey continued, determined to get a rise out of Kelly, "Joey mentioned this place that has a heated fountain. He says it's beautiful at night."

She blinked hard, willing the tears not to come…. Why would Joey tell her that? How could he tell her that? She cleared her head long enough to hear Aubrey still chattering.

"Apparently, there's this outdoor market nearby where they sell all kinds of French breads and cheeses and everything is fresh and…"

Kelly stood up. "I have to go," she responded quickly.

"So soon?" Aubrey asked, feigning innocence.

Kelly just looked at her. "Good luck with your trip."

She smiled as she watched Kelly flee. Grabbing her phone, she dialed Cutter's number.

"You are brilliant," she whispered into the receiver. "I don't know what possessed you take that journal or why you thought it would be helpful, but you were right. Those little details about Paris sent Kelly right over the edge."

Kelly pushed through the crowd of people as she attempted to get to the exit. As she neared her final human hurdle, she looked up to find Joey standing directly in front of her.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

"Nothing," she answered quickly. "I'm on my way out."

Joey stood there, dumbfounded for a moment as he watched her go. Spotting Aubrey at the table, he approached her. "Did you see Kelly?"

"Actually, yeah," Aubrey responded, her eyes wide and innocent, "I was telling her about the trip we were planning."

"Right," He forced a smile. "Did you decide where you want to go?"

"Yep," she said, pulling out a brochure for the hotel and pushing it over towards Joey, "Paris…Isn't this the perfect spot?"

Joey stared at the brochure for a moment, trying not to let on anything to Aubrey. "Did you uh…did you show this to Kelly?"

"What the brochure?" Aubrey asked. "No. I told her the name of the place and that I'd heard there was an open air market nearby and this heated fountain…"

Joey ran his hand over his face. "I've got to go," he said as he stood from the table.

"Go? Sweetie, you just got here."

"I know," he said, leaning in to give her a kiss, "but I have so much work to do and if we're gonna do a trip this big, I need to make sure I'm totally caught up before we leave, right? You want my undivided attention don't you?"

Aubrey smiled, "You bet."

"Ok, then." He smiled at her. "I'll see you at home."

Joey walked briskly out of the restaurant—determined to find Kelly.

Her fingertips ran over the carved etchings in the wood as she felt the warm tears stream down her face. It was a relief in some ways not having to hold them in. Being able to cry, to sob, to scream as much as loud as she wanted with no fear that anyone would hear her was good…and it helped, she thought, or at least she hoped it did. She cried for herself, for the life she'd never have. She cried for Joey, for the life he was going to have and for the bitch he was going to have to live with, but mostly, she realized, she cried for their dreams.

They had always been in each other's lives—even when they weren't technically together. Hell, he'd cared about her when she was sleeping with his brother. It just made sense to believe that somehow, someway they'd end up together, but tonight….after hearing Aubrey…it somehow ended that. Something about knowing that he'd told her about Paris…about her Paris, no their Paris—it showed her something—something she clearly desperately needed to see.

The carved initials in the tree would never change, and neither would the memories, but everything else…real life…moved on.

"Kel? Kel are you ok?"

She shifted slightly, the muffled sounds of her name mixing in with crackling leaves and wind. She was cold and she pulled her coat tighter around her body.

"God you must be freezing. What are you doing out here?" Joey whispered, brushing her hair out of her face.

The sound of his voice startled her and she turned her head quickly. "Joey?" she said, her voice hoarse. She cleared her throat, blinking several times. "Joey?" She looked around. Llantano mountain looked different with the first lights of morning beaming down on it.

"Yeah, Kel…Have you been out here all night?"

Kelly thought for a minute. She remembered sitting down in front of the tree. She must have drifted off. "I guess so," she said, standing to her feet.

"Kelly," he sighed. "I was worried sick about you. I looked everywhere. I…"

She turned around, stepping closer to him. "Why were you even looking for me? I thought you were planning a trip with your wife?" Her words came out in a rush and seemed harsh and cold. For a moment, she felt bad, almost apologetic, but then she remembered how it had felt to hear Aubrey gushing over the fountain and the open air market and her remorse quickly faded.

"I know…I know what she told you about that. Look…I told her to find somewhere for us to go. That's all. I didn't tell her I wanted to go to Paris."

"Don't lie to me," she spat, the tears returning to her eyes. Though she'd welcome their therapeutic benefits last night, this morning, in front of Joey, they weren't nearly as beneficial.

"Kel, I'm not. I'd never suggest that Aubrey and I go there. Paris was…It was…special."

"Yeah," she whispered. "I thought so too…at least until last night."

"What are you talking about?" He reached out grabbing her arm as she walked down the rolling hill towards her car.

"I'm talking the open air market with the great bread and cheeses, Joey. I'm talking about the great hotel you're gonna be staying in. You know, the one with the heated fountain that's just beautiful at night. I might be leaving out some of the details…I'm not sure. You'll need to ask Aubrey." Her eyes burned with tears and she knew any chance at maintaining her composure was shot, but at this point she didn't care. She wanted to hurt him—she wanted him to be just as blindsided as she had been.

He stood in silence, her words echoing in his head. Looking at her face, he knew he had to say something, though he had no idea what that would or should be. "I…What did Aubrey say to you?" he finally managed, his own voice strained.

Kelly's breath left her mouth in a quick burst. "Exactly what I just told you and maybe a little bit more. I was a little bit past listening at that point. She wanted to know if I had any tips about what the two of you could do to make Paris more romantic. She was rubbing it in my face, Joey. You know, it's one thing to choose her. It's one thing to marry her, but to tell her our memories and allow her to use them as ammunition to…"

"I didn't, Kelly. I swear. I'd never, ever do that to you."

She stopped for a moment, looking up at him. She'd known him for years and she'd always known when something was wrong. She'd always known when he was lying….and this time, he wasn't. He hadn't told her.

He reached out, taking her head. "I promise you. I never told her anything. I have no idea how she found out, but it wasn't from me….you have to believe that. Please tell me you believe that."

She felt her head nod slowly. "I believe you," she said softly, feeling the tears begin to stream down her face again as she felt herself being drawn into his arms. She closed her eyes as his arms tightened around her.

Joey sighed, enjoying for the moment, the simple pleasure of holding her close to him. He felt her body tense and he knew she was already beginning to think again. "Kelly," he whispered.

"You should go," she said softly. "You're supposed to be packing."

Her green eyes still sparkled with tears but the light in them was still there. The forced smile she flashed him paled in comparison to the ones she'd given him so many times before. The sensation of holding her close to him moments ago was an all too brief reminder of the nights he'd spent holding her in their bed. If he walked away now, he was walking away for good….and they both knew it.

"I can't," he finally said, his voice low, his eyes barely meeting hers.

"What?" Her voice shook as she spoke. The sound of her heart pounding echoed in her ears and although she knew she'd heard him correctly, she simply couldn't allow herself to get too excited too fast.

He stepped closer to her, smiling a little as he watched the light return to her eyes. "I'm not going to Paris with Aubrey."

"You're going to go somewhere else?"

He smiled wider this time, taking yet another step closer to her. "No. I'm going to leave you for a few hours and go find Aubrey. I'm going to tell her something that I should have told her months ago—something you knew long before I did…and then I'm going to come back here and you and I are going to go pack."

Her breath caught in her throat then and she swallowed hard. Bringing her shaking hand to her chest, she forced herself to take a breath. "What?"

"I love you, Kelly. I've never stopped. You and I are meant to be together and I think now we both know that. We've both tried being with other people and it just doesn't work…probably because it isn't supposed to. Last night when Aubrey told me what she'd done…that she'd told you we were going to Paris, I went crazy looking for you. I didn't stop until I found you…I couldn't."

"You did find me," she said softly, taking his hand.

"Of course I did," he smiled. "And now that I have, I'm not going to lose you again…that is, if you'll give this another try."

She felt the tears sting at her eyes again. "You know I will. I love you, Joey. That's never changed….ever."

"Good," he smiled. "Because you're the only girl I want to go to Paris with.


	14. Reception

Reception

Past loves are tricky things especially when you part as friends. Joey Buchanan couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face as he watched her flit around the room. She'd always had boundless energy. It has been one of the first things he'd noticed about her—how she never seemed to sit still…not even for a moment.

She glanced up, catching him staring at her. He smiled and waved at her quickly, ashamed at having been caught so quickly. She started walking towards him quickly and he felt his heart beat faster. He was marrying Aubrey and yet Kelly still managed to get to him.

She approached him with a smile. "Jessica is supposed to call me and let me know what she wants to do about the florist. She's running late…something about her assistant getting the flu or something…I don't know."

Joey continued to smile at her, amused by her frantic mood.

She held out of her cell. "Can you keep this for a few minutes and if Jessica calls just ask her if she wants the bouquets we planned or if she wants to go with the wildflowers? I've got to go try and find the caterer and my reception is crap out back."

He nodded, still smiling. "Bouquet or wildflowers," he repeated. "I got it."

Kelly turned, trotting off quickly. "Thanks," she called back to him.

Watching her walk away, he sighed. He'd let her walk away from him far too many times.

Chapter 2

Pushing open the back door, Kelly took a deep breath of fresh air. She didn't have time to fall apart—not tonight. Seeing Joey again had been wonderful in many ways, she'd missed him in ways she couldn't adequately describe, but being near him and yet unable to touch him and be with him was making her crazy—but she couldn't let him see that.

She paused for a moment, leaning back against the cool brick of the building. It was still February, and the chill in the air made her shiver slightly. Glancing around for the catering van, she frowned. Nothing was going right tonight.

Joey jumped slightly as the phone began to vibrate. The up tempo dance music made him smile. "Classic Kelly," he muttered, pushing the button and bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hello," he said, covering his other ear with one hand to block out the hustle and bustle in the room.

"Kelly?" Kevin was certain he'd heard a voice, but static overwhelmed the connection. "Kelly is that you?"

Joey pulled the phone away from his ear, glancing down at the screen. Restricted. "Figures," he sighed. "Hello," he said again. "Can you hear me?" He began to walk from the room, happy to see the signal was improving with his movement.

"Look, Kelly, we've got a really bad connection," Kevin continued. "I'm not sure if you can hear me or not, but I just wanted to call and check in. I'll try back later. I hope you've come to your senses and told my brother how you really feel."

The click of the call ending came across loud and clear as had the last few sentences. He stood holding the phone in his hand. What had Kevin meant by her real feelings? What wasn't Kelly telling him?

"No," Kelly said, walking back into the crowded room. Her eyes automatically scanned for Joey. He was the first thing that came to her mind every morning and the last thing she thought of every night as she drifted off to sleep…when she slept…which wasn't very often lately. "I don't know anything about the Banks-McCain wedding. I don't know who you need to speak with."

She sighed as the man picked up a large box of wedding favors and left the room.

"Sorry," she muttered to Joey. "So, uh..did the florist call?"

"No, she didn't." He hesitated a moment. This certainly wasn't the best time in the world to bring something like this up, but if not now, when? "But you did get a call."

"Oh really? Did they leave a message? I'll call them back." She was only half listening at this point. Her mind was already on the next problem she needed to tackle. "Why isn't that florist calling me back?" she muttered under her breath.

"It was Kevin," Joey said casually, curious as to what her reaction would be.

Her eyes snapped to attention. "What did he say?"

"It was a really bad connection. He thought I was you." Joey watched as the color drained from her face.

"What did he say?" she repeated. Her stomach dropped. Kevin was one of the few people who knew how she truly felt about Joey. She felt pretty confident that he wouldn't tell Joey, but if he'd thought he was talking to her…there was no telling what he might have said…and what Joey might have heard.

"Listen, Kel. Can we talk?"

"Talk?" Her mouth was so dry she could barely get one word out, and now Joey wanted to talk? About what? What had Kevin said to him? How much did he know?

"Look, Joey," she nervously chattered, "I'm really, really swamped right now. I've got to talk to the caterer and make sure she's got enough help to get everything set up and I've got to get in touch with the florists. I got a call earlier that the storms we had last week caused some water damage in one of the rooms we were planning to use for the reception, so I need to check on that. It's just really not a good time right now. Later, ok?" She smiled, walking away quickly before he could protest.

"Kel, I…" He allowed his voice to trail off as she faded from his view. Until now, he thought maybe he'd misunderstood..maybe Kevin had meant something else entirely but, after seeing her reaction, he knew there was something more to it. He had to talk to her…and it had to be tonight.

Chapter 3

He'd watched her flit about for hours. A few times he'd gotten close enough to say a few words, but each time she'd brushed him off—proclaiming how busy she was and how now just wasn't a good time. The room got more and more empty as the hours ticked by and soon she had to invent phone calls to avoid him. He sighed heavily, watching her move towards the door to make the next phone call that just couldn't wait. He'd been waiting for years…a little longer wouldn't kill him.

"Thanks," the guy yelled back at him, as he finished turning the last chair on the tabletop. "I appreciate the help."

"No problem," Joey called out as he watched him leave. It's not as if he had anything better to do. His eyes fell on Kelly as she walked back into the room.

"Sorry, Joey," she said hurriedly. "I've got to go get some decorations for the reception. Maybe we can talk some other time. I hate to keep you waiting." Inside her stomach was in knots. All night she'd wondered what he'd heard…what Kevin had said. She'd thought of calling Kevin, of asking him, but that seemed almost too rational. Maybe she was making too much of this?

She stood in the storage room, forcing herself to breathe deeply. The last thing she wanted was Joey's pity. She loved him, but she didn't want his obligatory feelings, and she certainly didn't want him to feel sorry for her. He was with Aubrey. He was going to marry her and that was that. She had to learn to live with it. She had to move on. A noise behind her made her turn quickly.

"You're gonna stop running away from me," Joey said, as he pushed the crate towards her and gently pushed down on her shoulders.

"Don't do that," she said, her voice trailing off as she watched the door shut. The crate she was now sitting on had been holding it open.

"Forget about the door," Joey said, his voice slightly more harsh than he'd intended. "I'll open the door just as soon as you actually talk to me."

"No you want," Kelly sighed. "It's locked. Neither of us is going anywhere tonight."

He pulled another crate in front of her and sat down himself. He wanted to get her alone to talk, but he hadn't planned on getting them both trapped in a storage room for the night.

"Look, I'm sorry," he sighed. "I didn't know. Someone will be here first thing in the morning to set up. I'm sure they'll find us."

Kelly sighed, turning her back to him so he wouldn't see just how nervous she truly was around him. "That doesn't really help us tonight now does it?"

Joey stared at her. "This isn't such a bad thing, you know?"

Quickly she turned, spinning around on her heel. "How do you figure that?"

"At least this way, we'll have a chance to talk." After following her around all evening, being shut down dozens of time, and finally resorting to trapping her in a room, this actually seemed like a small victory.

"In case you hadn't noticed," he smiled, "I've kind of been trying to talk to you tonight."

Kelly smiled in spite of herself. "I noticed." She softened. "I'm sorry…I've just…I've been really caught up in all this wedding stuff. I just want everything to be perfect for Jess."

"Right," Joey nodded. "Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Her heart was beating so fast she could hear it and she could feel her hands start to sweat. She silently cursed herself. She was a grown woman and she was reacting like a lovesick schoolgirl.

"I don't know," he said softly. "It almost seems like you've been avoiding me…like you didn't want to talk to me." He paused for a moment, looking into her eyes. "And then there was that phone call from Kevin where he thought he was talking to you."

Kelly's eyes darted back to his face. "What did Kevin say?" She forced her face to relax, realizing instantly how quickly she spoke and how obvious she was being.

"Well, nothing really. He just asked if you had talked to me about how you felt."

Kelly took a breath. It could have been worse. It was bad enough, but Kevin certainly could have said more. "Oh," she managed.

"What did he mean, Kel? What do you feel and what are you planning to talk to me about?"

There was nothing in her way now, no muffins to destroy, no martinis to choke on. There were no phone calls to fake and no conversations to distract her. She was here with him and he was looking at her with those eyes….God those eyes. If she let herself, she could look into them and remember everything. She could remember the way it was…the way it had been. She could forget everything else. The years they'd been apart. For a moment it was as if no time had passed.

"Kel," Joey spoke again, touching her arm softly. "Where'd you go? Did you want to talk to me about something? Is there something you want to tell me?"

This was it, she reasoned. This was her chance.

"Do you remember," she began, taking a deep breath to steady herself, "when I told you that I realized I still had feelings for someone from my past?"

Joey shook his head. Ten years ago, the news of Kelly and Kevin had made him furious, and yet a few weeks ago, the news of their reunion had made him happy.

"Right," he said, smiling. "You said you and Kevin were giving it another try. I think that's great."

"It was a lie," she replied quickly, afraid any hesitation would allow her mind to come up with another lie.

Joey stood there for a moment, confused. "What do you mean it was a lie? You and Kevin? You're not back together? It didn't work out?"

"It never started. Kevin and I….we were never…there was never another chance for us. The whole thing…it was a lie."

Joey shook his head. "But you said, you had someone else in your life…someone that you cared about…someone from your past." He stopped, looking up at her, his words resonating inside his own mind.

Kelly shook her head. "You," she said softly. "It's always been you. I love you, Joey. I never stopped. I don't think I ever will."

Moments had passed, though she wasn't sure how many. Joey stood, his back to her, his face turned to the door.

"Please say something," she softly whispered. "I know that I've been stupid and I know it was wrong to lie to you like that but I…"

"No," Joey turned around, sitting back down on the crate in front of her and reaching out to take her hands in his. "No," he said again. "The last thing you are is stupid. I'm the stupid one."

She blinked, commanding the tears to stay away, though she knew she was only postponing the inevitable. "You're not angry with me?"

He laughed a little. "Angry with you? No, I'm not angry with you? I'm angry with myself for not seeing this sooner, for being so stubborn and stupid, for refusing to acknowledge what I was feeling because of some sort of stupid pride."

"You mean you…" She couldn't bring herself to say the words until he did. She was so vulnerable in this moment. He could hurt her so deeply in an instant and yet somehow, she knew he wouldn't.

"I love you, Kelly Cramer. I've loved you from the moment I took you to the top of the Palace Roof. The only difference is that I love you more now. I'm just so sorry it's taken me so long to admit it."

The tears fell now, and she didn't even try to stop them. "What about Aubrey?" she asked, barely able to contain her joy.

"Aubrey can do whatever she wants. She can go back to Europe. She can stay here. She'll be fine, but I won't…not without you." Joey reached out, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her.

She pulled back to look at him. "Do you have any idea how long I've waited to hear you say all this?"

Joey smiled at her. "I've always felt it and I'm saying it now. I love you, Kelly Cramer and I always will."

She smiled, leaning in to kiss him as she relaxed into his arms. The sound of keys in the door stopped them, as they both turned to see the custodian standing there.

"What in the world are you two doing in here?" he yelled.

Joey stood, helping Kelly to her feet. "Just waiting for you," he smiled, rushing past him as he tightly held Kelly's hands. "You're timing is perfect. We've got a lot to celebrate."

The End


	15. Runaway

The flight to London had never seemed longer and she had never been more grateful to have been on the BE jet. If she'd had to contend with a commercial plane, with the crying babies and annoying passengers, she might have ended up in jail. All she could think about was her son.

As she leaned back in the seat of the car, she glanced at her cell. It was on, just as it had been the other fifty times she'd checked. It simply hadn't rang….probably because there was no news. No news was good news, she reminded herself—but not today. Not today when she would have given anything for news.

The door opened quickly. "Kevin," she breathed. "Anything? Have you heard anything?"

"No. Not yet, but I'm sure we will, Kel."

She took a shaky breath, walking past the door and handing her bag to Nevil who stood off to the side. "Thank you," she whispered as he headed up the stairs.

"Come on inside. I'll get you a drink." Kevin recognized the worry on her face. It was the same worry that had plagued him for the last 28 hours, 18 of which he'd spent wondering if he should call her.

"Water," she said softly, as she sat down on the sofa. "What the hell happened?"

He turned, handing her the glass and taking a seat beside her. "I don't know exactly. He was at school all week. He hadn't called, but that wasn't unusual…you know that."

Kelly nodded, forcing herself to take a small sip from the glass. Her throat immediately rejected the liquid and she swallowed several times, forcing it down. She hadn't eaten anything since Kevin's call. The thought of her son out there somewhere…upset and angry….and worst of all…alone.

"Anyway, he was coming home for the weekend. Friday night he showed up and he was just really quiet, but I didn't think a whole lot of it. He went upstairs and said he had to work on some stuff for school. When he didn't come down for dinner, I went up there to talk to him and he said he didn't want to talk to me."

Kelly took a deep breath. "I knew we should have told him. I knew it. I can't imagine what he must be thinking right now…to have found out that the man he thought was his father all of his life is really his grandfather….to know that his mother slept his father and his grandfather…not to mention his uncle…we can't forget about that." She paced quickly, back and forth in front of him.

"Don't do that, Kelly. You and I both know that we did what we thought was best for him. We were just trying to protect him."

"Well, we did a hell of a job didn't we? Where is he? Is he safe? Is he protected? We don't have a clue!" She threw the class across the room shuddering slightly as the shards of glass exploded against the stone fireplace. She looked back at Kevin, who stood behind her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'll get it." She moved towards the fireplace, bending to pick up one of the largest pieces.

"Don't." Kevin knelt down beside her. "It's ok."

Kelly turned her head towards him, her eyes pleading. "What are we supposed to do, Kevin? How do we fix this?"

"I wish to God I knew," he whispered, pulling her closer to him.

"Tell me what he said." Her voice was soft, but still shaky as she slowly pinched bits of bread off the slice and pushed them across her plate.

"Kel, I really don't think that's important right now. What's important right now is that we find him and bring him home."

"I have a right to know what happened, Kevin. I'm his mother."

"I know, but I just think it's best if we focus on…"

"Tell me what he said!" she screamed, stopping suddenly and placing her hands flat on the table. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to yell."

"It's ok. I just don't think it's going to be easy for you to hear. He was really upset and really, really angry. He said things that he didn't mean and…" Kevin looked at her. She wasn't going to let this go. Kelly never let anything go. That was one of the things he loved about her…when she wanted something, she went for it and nothing made her back down….no matter what.

"Just tell me, Kevin. I'm going to find out sooner or later."

"He said that…."

The knock on the door startled him and both were on their feet almost immediately.

"God, Zane." Kelly threw her arms around him as Kevin opened the door to reveal Zane, an officer, and a social worker standing there.

Kelly pulled Zane inside as Kevin spoke with the officer and social worker outside.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," Kevin responded, stepping inside and closing the door. He watched the officer walked away and took the social workers coat for her.

Zane stood silently.

Kevin reached out, pulling the boy close to him. "We are so glad you ok. We were scared to death." He put his hands on his shoulders. "Don't you ever do anything like that again."

"And you can say that, right? Cause you're my Dad, right?" Zane scoffed and turned away. "I'm going upstairs."

"Zane," Kelly called to him. "Listen to me. We were worried about you. We didn't know where you were or what could have happened to you. We understand that you're upset and you have every right to be, but that doesn't excuse running away and not telling anybody."

"Just leave me alone." Zane pulled away and headed upstairs.

Kelly moved to head upstairs behind, but Kevin stopped her.

"Just let him go," he said softly.

"Why don't we go have a seat and talk?," the social worker asked quietly, as she looked back and forth between Kevin and Kelly.

The two nodded and headed into the living room.

"So what do you suggest Ms. Ryan," Kevin asked, handing her a cup of tea. "We just want to help Zane get through this as best he can?"

Ms. Ryan looked at him intently. "If you don't mind my asking, what exactly is the nature of your relationship?" She looked over at Kelly.

"Our relationship?" Kelly asked, looking over at Kevin. "Kevin and I are friends….good friends…really good friends."

"Friends?" Ms. Ryan, repeated, writing a note in her book.

"Well, I mean we used to be married, but that didn't work out and now she's kind of seeing my brother, but I don't know if that's serious or not." Kevin looked over at Kelly for confirmation.

"It's not really serious yet. We're taking it slow."

"You're dating his brother?" Ms. Ryan's eyebrows raised as her pen froze on the page.

"Well, yes." Kelly responded. "It's not like I just started dating him though. We were dating first….actually we were married first two, but that didn't work out."

"So you were married to Mr. Buchanan's brother and then you divorced and married Mr. Buchanan and then the two of you divorced and now you're dating Mr. Buchanan's brother again?"

Kevin looked over at Kelly. "Well, when you say it like that it does sound kind of confusing, but really it's not..it's ok. It took some time, but we're all ok now."

Ms. Ryan nodded, and smiled slightly. "Glad to hear it. But," she continued writing, "the situation with Zane isn't related to Mr. Buchanan's brother, correct? This is about Mr. Buchanan's son."

Kelly looked down. "Right, Duke is Zane's biological father, but he passed away before Zane was born."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Ms. Ryan responded. "Ms. Cramer, forgive me for saying so, but have you considered how your unstable relationships may have impacted Zane?"

"Wait a minute," Kevin responded, stepping over to Kelly quickly. "Kelly's been great with Zane. She loves him and she's always been here for him. When Kelly found out she was pregnant with Zane and she told me about it, I was a complete ass. She was willing to take complete responsibility for it…she was going to do it all on her own. Zane has always been the most important thing to her."

"Well, actions say otherwise," Ms. Ryan repeated, standing. "I think I've seen everything I need to see."

"You might think you have," Kevin said, stepping in front of her, "but you haven't heard everything I've got to say yet and you're not leaving her until you do." He paused for a moment, taking a step back. "At least I hope you won't leave until I can give you the full story."

Ms. Ryan sighed. "Alright. Let's hear it, Mr. Buchanan."

Kelly took a seat on the couch beside Kevin.

"I can't thank you enough for all those things you said about me tonight with that social worker," she whispered.

"You don't need to thank me, Kelly," he whispered, placing his arm around her.

"Yes I do," she smiled. "You made me sound incredible and I'll never be able to repay you for that."

Kevin stared at her for a moment. "I didn't need to make you sound incredible, Kelly. You are incredible and those weren't just things I said…they were true. I believe every single thing I said here tonight. You are all those things."

Kelly blinked as she looked at him. She had never seen him so sincere. "I'm not all those things, Kevin," she said softly. "I've ruined everything. That lady is right. My life has probably ruined Zane's. He's never going to have a normal teenage life. His childhood wasn't normal. His life won't be normal."

"What's so great about normal?" Kevin smiled.

Kelly laughed a little. "True." She looked back at him. "You could always do that, you know?"

"What?"

"Make me laugh…even when there was absolutely nothing to laugh about. When the entire world looks like it's falling apart, you can always manage to make me smile. How do you always know exactly what to do and exactly what to say?"

"I don't know," Kevin responded. "I guess you just make it really easy. And," he touched her face, softly, "That smile of yours is a pretty big incentive."

The warmth of his fingertips on her skin reminded her of a moment just like this one. A night many, many years ago—when the circumstances where different, but the feelings were the same. There had been a fire in the fireplace. There had been another man waiting for her and there had been every reason for it not to happen, but the man sitting in front of her, his lips merely inches away from her own, was the only reason she needed to make all the other reasons go away.

She'd never craved stability anyway.


	16. Seasons

Seasons

Looking back through the album, she couldn't help but smile. All the memories seemed to be so fresh—so new, as if they'd happened yesterday. As she pulled a few and set them aside, she felt a presence behind her. She giggled as two strong arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Find any good ones?" Joey asked.

"As a matter of fact, I have...several," she teased, "But you can't see them yet...not til the rehearsal dinner."

"Oh, no," he teased, "You could have some of those embarrassing baby photos. You can't be putting those up on a big screen...embarrassing me in front of all my friends. Besides, you know all my co-workers from the Banner will be there. It would be front page news the next morning, if it didn't make Access Llanveiw that night."

"I promise no baby photos." She leaned in for a kiss as he took a seat next to her. Snuggling into his arms, she allowed her head to rest on his shoulders. "Can you believe it? Can you believe we're actually getting married? After everything that's happened? Did you ever think we'd end up here again?"

Joey just smiled at her. "It had to happen because you and I are meant to be together. You can't mess with fate." He gave her a quick kiss before he stood up. "I don't know about you, but I've got a rehearsal dinner to get ready for."

Winter 2016

She paced the floor, phone in hand. Joey was many things, but he was never late. She had spoken with him earlier in the day. He knew she was preparing his favorite dinner. He promised he'd be home early, especially because of the winter weather warnings that were popping up all over the county. He wasn't home and he wasn't answering his phone. She was worried.

She glanced out the window at the snow covered driveway. "He's just running late," she whispered aloud, in a desperate attempt to keep calm. Maybe there was a last minute story that had to make the papers. Maybe something to do with the weather—that made sense. Kelly forced herself to sit down on the sofa. Pacing the floors wasn't doing anything other than wearing ruts in the hardwood floor.

She looked over at the mantle. Framed snapshots stared back at her. The moments of their lives that she wanted to freeze—there was one of their wedding. She didn't know she could be that happy. The next picture was at the birth of their daughter, Dorie. They had tried for years and had almost given up entirely when Dorie was conceived. The nearly six year old was now the light of their lives. Kelly straightened the last picture, the family portrait that had been taken that Thanksgiving. Somehow it had worked out so that everyone could be together. Kevin, Zane, Kelly Dorie, and Joey were all gathered around the table—like a family. Her hands shook as she carefully placed the photo back in its rightful spot. He had to be ok. He was a part of this family.

Hearing his key in the door, she sighed heavily.

"Sorry I'm la..." His voice was cut off as she threw herself into his arms.

"I'm so glad you're here. I was so worried about you. You weren't here and you wouldn't answer your phone and I was just imagining you in a ditch or something..."

Joey softly stroked her hair. "Shhh...it's ok. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I just had to scrape the window a couple of times on the way home. It's really coming down out there. Don't worry. I'll always come home to you. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Spring 2026

Joey's Room

"You're doing very well, Mr. Buchanan," the doctor explained, making quick notes on his charts as he spoke to him. "Considering the severity of the accident, both you and your wife are very lucky to be alive."

"When can I see her?" Joey asked, not even slightly concerned about his own condition. "I need to be with her. She's got to be wondering where I am."

"Mr. Buchanan. Your wife's injuries were very severe. There was severe brain swelling. Do you understand what that means?"

Joey nodded. He'd heard all of their medical jargon. Brain swelling. Permanent damage. Loss of cognitive function. Vegetative state. None of it mattered to him. The only thing that mattered to him was that Kelly was alone. He wasn't with her. He needed to be with her. "I need to be with her," he said again, with more force. "She'll respond to me."

The doctor's eyes softened slightly. "Mr. Buchanan," he said softly, "I want you to understand, with the injuries your wife has sustained, she's not capable of responding to anyone..or anything. I hate to have to say this to you. I know how badly you need to hold on to some kind of hope here, but the truth is...your wife will likely not improve beyond her current state."

Joey looked away. "I don't believe that. You don't know her. You don't know us...our connection. I can get through to her. I know I can. Please...let me see her."

The doctor nodded towards the nurse, "Can you get Mr. Buchanan a chair, please? He'd like to see his wife."

"Thank you," Joey said softly.

The doctor placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Please understand that you can't expect her to respond to you. She's there physically, but..."

Joey shook his head. "You'll see," he said, looking away.

The doctor stood, nodded, and walked from the room.

Kelly's Room

"I'll give you some time," the nurse said softly, as she pushed Joey up to the side of the bed and placed the brakes on the chair. "Just press the button when you're ready."

Joey nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. He'd known she was injured, but he never expected this. Her face was covered with scrapes and cut. Her arms and shoulders were bruised. Tubes came from everywhere. The machines made unsettling noises as they flashed their numbers, all of which meant little to him. Kelly looked so small, so helpless lying there.

He carefully reached up, softly touching her face.

"I'm sorry I haven't been in to see you," he said, feeling the lump rising in his throat. "They wouldn't let me out of bed. They claimed I needed to rest. They didn't know I couldn't rest without you. I never did learn how to sleep without you."

He stared at her, waiting for some sort of sign. He'd heard the doctor's words and he understood that her injuries were severe, but somehow he'd expected her to respond to him. He truly expected to come in, touch her and have her come back. Where was she? What was happening to her? Was she truly lost to him forever?

He watched as the machine beside her forced another breath into her body. He turned away. She wouldn't want this. She had too much life—too much spunk. This wasn't Kelly. He took a breath, and took her hand.

"Listen, Kel. You know I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything...and Dorie loves you. You're our whole world, but I want you to know that if you can't come back...if it's too hard and you need to rest. It's ok. I'll take care of Dorie. I'll tell her all about you and how much we wanted her...how much we loved her and each other."

He stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts. Was he doing the right thing? Giving her permission to give up...to die? Was he pushing her over the edge? Should he be begging her to fight..to hold on...to stay with him?

"I don't want you to go," he whispered. "God knows I'll miss you. My life will never be the same, but I couldn't stand the thought of you staying because you thought I couldn't handle it if you left. If you need to go now, it's ok. I understand."

He watched her closely...his hands shaking a bit, holding his breath as he watched the monitors, fearing they might alarm at any moment. Nothing.

He laid his head on the bed beside hers so that he could whisper in her ear. "I'm right here, Kel. There's nowhere else I want to be."

At first he thought he imagined it...simply wanted it so badly that he dreamed it into being, but as he heard the soft moan again, he was certain it was true. He pulled away and looked at Kelly's open eyes.

"Kelly," he said, tears prickling at his eyes. "Did you hear what I said? Is that why you came back?"

Kelly smiled weakly. The tube in her throat prevented her from speaking though she tried.

"Hang on," Joey said, leaning back and grabbing a piece of paper. "What are you trying to say?"

He smiled as he saw the words she wrote. The handwriting wasn't perfect, but the message was clear... You can't mess with fate.

The End


	17. What Might Have Been

Another quick flash of his press pass and he was back in the madness again. New York City was a far cry from Llanview, Pennsylvania and though he didn't love the traffic, the noise, or the constant state of chaos, he had to admit there was an air of excitement everywhere you went.

As he looked around the crowded room, he saw some familiar faces. A few from sister newspapers, even some reporters from local television studios were here. Visits from politicians always drew the press and today was no exception. He made his way to the front, hoping to score some good photos. That was, after all, his whole purpose in being there. As he weaved his way through the crowd he heard a laugh.

It was a laugh he'd heard a million times and hearing it now, he realized how much he'd missed it. Turning around, he found himself staring at her across the room. She hadn't seen him yet. That much he was sure of. She hadn't changed much—the years had been kind to her. She still had the same sparkle in her eyes and the same way of lighting up a room with her laugh.

Joey made quick work of the crowd, inching his way towards her.

"Kelly," he said softly as he stood behind her.

She stood for a moment, in stunned silence, her back still to the voice that sent chills through her. It was as if she'd literally stepped back in time. She hadn't heard that voice in almost seven years. Whirling around, she found herself face to face with him.

"Joey," she smiled, throwing her arms around him before she even realized it. "My God…What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he said with a smile that melted her heart.

"I'm here for work. I'm covering the event for the Post." She couldn't stop staring at him. It had been so long, and it was so good to see him.

"The Post, huh?" Joey shook his head in approval. He'd always known Kelly would do well for herself. Her tenacity and attitude made her impossible to ignore. "I'm impressed."

"Don't be," she smiled. "Just a lowly reporter."

He held up his camera bag…"Better than a lowly photographer," he smiled.

Kelly giggled then. "So," she muttered, suddenly feeling a little awkward, "How have you been? It's been ages since I've seen you."

"Yeah…almost what? Seven years now, right?" Joey swallowed hard. He knew exactly how long it had been since Kelly had walked out of his life and out of Llanview. He would remember the moment for the rest of his life. When he told her he was staying with Aubrey for Ryder's sake, she'd told him she understood, but she also made it clear that she wouldn't wait for him anymore. He didn't blame her. He didn't expect her to put her life on hold for him, but watching her walk away from him—and out of his life was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

"Joey," Kelly said, snapping his out of thoughts. "You still with me?"

"Yeah, sorry," he smiled. "I'm just a little out of it. Crazy day here."

Kelly nodded. She was just getting ready to speak again when a man approached the podium.

"I think they're getting ready to start," she said, turning to Joey. "I'd better get a seat."

"How about we meet up for drinks later? You know…just to catch up."

Kelly smiled, and quickly reached into her purse, handing him a card. "Call me," she smiled and quickly walked away.

Joey nodded, feeling his heart beat faster. She wanted to talk. She agreed to meet him. Maybe he still had a chance. Maybe he had a chance to make up for all those years…for all those stupid missed opportunities. He glanced down at the card with a smile. Kelly Cramer Frasier was printed in clean even font followed by a cell number. His heart sank. So much for his chance.

Sure I think about you now and then

But it's been a long, long time

I've got a good life now, I moved on

So when you cross my mind

I try not to think about what might have been

'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads

We can't go back again there's no use giving in

And there's no way to know what might have been

She sat at the table checking the window every few minutes to see if he'd arrived.

"Love you too, sweetie. Sleep tight, sweet dreams." She hesitated a minute. "Yeah. I shouldn't be too late. I'm just meeting up with a friend from home." She listened. "Yeah, He was at the conference. I haven't seen him in years. We're just catching up."

Kelly smiled as she glanced out the window and saw Joey quickly making his way towards the door.

"Ok, sweetie. He's here. I'll be home soon. Love you too. Bye." She quickly closed the phone and slid it into her purse, standing to greet Joey as he approached the table.

"You look great," he smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek softly.

"It's the same thing I was wearing earlier." Kelly smiled. He was still a charmer.

"I know. You looked great then too, I just didn't have a chance to tell you." He paused to take a breath. "Let's sit. Have you ordered?"

She smiled. "They have this amazing strawberry xanga. Seriously…it is to die for. I can't come here and not get one, and I don't need to eat the entire thing by myself, so really..you can help me."

"From what I remember, sharing a dessert with you can be hazardous to my health," he smiled.

"Oh...you remember," she said with a laugh.

Joey stared at her, the smile on her face drawing his attention and keeping it. "I remember everything," he said softly.

Silence took over the table as the mood shifted to an uncomfortable awkwardness.

"So, Um…we never did really get a chance to talk much at the convention. You never told me what you've been up to since I left Llanview?" She looked at him, noting the sadness in his eyes.

"How's Aubrey?" It came out harsh—more harsh that she intended, but the truth was it still hurt. No matter how much she loved Scott—no matter how much she adored their life together, the love they shared, the daughter they had…it still hurt knowing that Joey had let her walk away.

Her words had the intended effect. They stung. Joey blinked a little stunned at how quickly her tone had changed. "Aubrey's gone. She's been gone a long time. That was a mistake…a huge mistake. I should have never stayed with her. I should have never married her. It was just…it was all a huge mistake."

He looked up at Kelly, trying to gauge her reaction. Did his words mean anything? Did the fact that he'd been hurt matter at all?

She nodded. "What happened?"

"She cut a deal with Ford and Cutter. The judge overturned the custody ruling and then it didn't matter anymore. There wasn't any reason for me to stay. I kicked her out of the house and it wasn't long before she and Cutter were out of town…on to their next mark, I'm sure."

Kelly looked into his eyes. He'd been hurt. So had she. It didn't make it ok, but somehow knowing that he'd experienced somewhere near the pain she'd felt did make it better. She reached for his hand, recognizing that she was entering into dangerous territory. Gently she touched him as he looked up at her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry she hurt you. I know how it feels to be hurt by a person that you trusted…a person that you counted on."

"I know. I know how much I hurt you Kelly. I don't even know the words to tell you how sorry I am for that. There's nothing I can say to express how much I regret what I did…how much I regret the time I've wasted…the years we've wasted. That's part of the reason I wanted to see you tonight….I wanted to apologize to you. I need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry."

She shook her head, feeling tears sting at her eyes. It did mean something to hear those words from him. It meant even more to be able to see the sincerity in his eyes as she stared into them.

As she took a shaky breath she said, "You said that was part of the reason you wanted to see me tonight."

He nodded.

"What's the other part?"

"I wanted to see if we had a chance. I wanted to tell you that I don't think I've ever stopped loving you and I wanted to tell you that if you'd give me a chance…if you'd give us a chance, I'd do everything in my power to make it work this time. No matter what…I wouldn't give up on us again."

He stopped for a moment, staring at her.

"Can you do that, Kel? Can you give us another chance?"

We can sit and talk about this all night long

And wonder why we didn't last

Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know

But we'll have to leave them in the past

So try not to think about what might have been

'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads

We can't go back again there's no use giving in

And there's no way to know what might have been

"Joey, I…" Kelly struggled to find the right words to say. She could see how serious he was, how much hope he had that she would be willing to step back in time—to give them another chance.

He reached out, taking her hand. "I know I was stupid. Believe me…not a day has gone by when I haven't thought about you…about what you're doing…about where you are. I called your phone once and the number wasn't in service."

She nodded. "Yeah, I changed providers." After I got married, she thought. She had to tell him.

"Joey, I…" This was so much harder than it should be. She was happy, she thought. She loved Scott. She did. Why was this so difficult?

"Do you remember the times we had, Kel? How happy we were? We can have that again? We can. It might not be easy. We've got things to work out…I know that, but we can do it. I know we can. I know it because I love you too much to lose you again."

"I can't," she managed, her voice chocking with tears.

"You're scared," he said, reaching for her hand again. "I get it. I hurt you and you have every reason to not trust me, but this time it will be different. This time I…"

She jerked her hand away from his and reached into her purse grabbing her wallet. She quickly opened it, flipping it to the picture in the front.

"I can't," she said again, pushing it towards him.

Joey stared at the picture. Kelly's face beamed at him. The man beside her looked to be about her age, attractive, clearly professional. The little girl between them was three—maybe four. He looked up at her, his eyes full of questions that he wasn't sure he wanted answers to.

"What is this?" he said quietly.

"This is my life now," she said quickly wiping her hand across her cheek. She pointed to the man in the picture. "That's Scott Frasier. He's my husband. We'll be married five years next month. That's Lily, she'll be four in July."

Joey forced himself to smile. "She's beautiful. She looks just like you."

"She's got Scott's nose," Kelly whispered, sweeping away another tear.

Joey sat still for a moment, staring at the photo. When he finally found himself about to speak, he realized he only had one question. There was only one thing he really needed to know.

"Are you happy?" he asked quietly.

Kelly felt the lump rising in her throat.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I am. He loves me, Joey and I couldn't ask for a better husband or father. He's there for me and Lily."

"And you love him," Joey said, already knowing the answer.

Kelly looked into his eyes, the same eyes she stared into so many times.

"After I left Llanview, I didn't know if I'd ever love anyone again. I loved you so much that I didn't think I had any love left to give anyone, but when I met Scott something changed. He made me happy. He made me feel special and loved and wanted."

She paused as she saw how much her words were hurting him.

"He made you feel the way I used to," Joey said softly.

Kelly nodded, taking his hand. "I love him, Joey. I do."

He carefully reached into his coat, pulling money from the pocket and placing it on the table.

"I should go," he said quietly. "I'm really glad things are working out for you, Kel. You deserve all good things." He softly touched her shoulder and started to walk away.

"Let me walk you to your car," she said softly as she stood and followed him to the door.

That same old look in your eyes

It's a beautiful night, I'm so tempted to stay

But too much time has gone by

We should just say goodbye and turn and walk away

And try not to think about what might have been

'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads

We can't go back again there's no use giving in

And there's no way to know what might have been

No, we'll never know what might have been

"You know what I miss," Kelly said softly as she walked beside Joey.

"What?" he said looking at her with hope in his eyes.

"Seeing the stars," she sighed. "The city lights make it impossible to see the stars. You remember when we used to sit outside at night and just look up at the stars?" She looked up at him as the stood by the bench.

Joey smiled. "Yeah, I remember. I taught you where all the constellations were one night."

"You did," she laughed. "I bet I can still pick out Orion," she smiled.

"I'm glad I left you with some things to remember me by." He forced himself to smile.

"Hey," she said, reaching up to touch his arm. "Don't think I don't remember." Her eyes filled with tears as his eyes locked with hers. "I remember every second of every moment we spent together. You gave me more joy than I ever had. You were my best friend, my first love, and my hero all rolled up in one. That never goes away."

He nodded, softly touching her face. "Until now."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, as he pulled her closer to him, hugging her gently.

"It's ok." He quickly kissed her forehead. "Just do me a favor and promise me I don't have to wait seven years to see you again, ok?"

She nodded, smiling at him. "That's a promise."

As he climbed into the car, he sighed. She was happy. He wished she could be happy with him, but at least he knew she was with someone who loved her and treated her right. He'd have to be ok with that. He carefully looked at the card, as it lay on the dash board. He'd felt silly earlier as he'd plugged the number into his phone. He was even more surprised when an address came up. She'd mentioned working for the Post, but she must also work from home, he realized. He stared at the address, willing himself to just drive away.

"Thank you," she smiled as she handed the driver his change and walked into the door of her apartment.

"Hi, sweetheart," Scott said, standing from the sofa, and gently kissing her cheek. "Did you have a good time with your friend?"

Kelly nodded. "Yeah, we caught up. It was nice."

"You want some wine? I just opened a bottle? I'll get you a glass." He turned towards the kitchen after Kelly nodded.

She took a breath as she looked around the room. This was her home. Spying the larger version of the picture in her wallet on the table, she picked it up and smiled. She had a good life, a happy life. The what if's would drive her crazy if she let them.

Gently she placed the picture back on the table. There was no point in thinking about what might have been.

She saw the lights as they reflected off the frame. Headlights? But who would be here at this hour? She carefully walked to the door and peered through the window. Joey's car sat on the sidewalk.

He wasn't sure why he'd come. It may have been to see the house…to see for himself that she was somewhere safe…somewhere happy, or he realized, it may have been because he simply couldn't leave.

His breath caught when he saw the door open. Kelly stepped outside, glancing behind her.

"I need to get something from my car, sweetie," she called out to Scott.

"Alright," he called back.

She walked quickly over to the car. Joey stood, standing close to her…too close.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I was going to leave. I meant to leave, but somehow…someway..I ended up here. I think I needed to see that you were somewhere good. Somewhere safe."

She glanced down at her feet, trying to keep it together. She'd convinced herself that she was happy, but the truth was that she was content. She was comfortable, but she wasn't happy. She could never be happy…not without him. Not without the man that stood in front of her.

"You need to go," she managed. "Scott is right inside. He's getting me a glass of wine. He's a good man, Joey. I can't hurt him like this."

Slowly he reached up to touch her face. She flinched, moving away from his hand. "Please," she whispered.

"I'll leave. I promise. Just answer me one thing, Kelly." He looked at her with a passion she hadn't seen in him before.

"What?" she whispered.

"Do you love him?" He grabbed her hand, holding it to his chest. "Do you love him like you loved me?"

"Joey," she said softly.

"Tell me you love him..Tell me you love him like you loved me. Tell me he makes you feel like I did. Tell me that and I promise, I'll leave. I'll leave and I'll wish you well and I'll never bother you again."

"I.." She stopped, looking back at the house. He husband, her daughter were there waiting for her. The life she'd made was here, but the man she'd loved for most of her life was standing outside of it…right in front of her.

"You can't say it can you?" he asked, touching her face softly? "You can't say it because it isn't true. You don't feel the same way for him that you did for me?"

"That I still do," she whispered, feeling the tears rush down her face.

He stopped realizing what she'd said.

"What?" he asked. He needed to hear her say it again.

"I still love you," she whispered. "God, Joey. Don't you know that? I've never stopped loving you. This would be so much easier if I didn't. If I didn't care, if I could just tell you it was over and turn and walk away, it would all be so much easier."

"But you do care," he said, leaning in closer to her, his lips hovering just inches away from hers.

She pulled back a little. "I've made a choice," she said quietly. "I made a commitment. I have a husband—a little girl—a family."

"You don't love him," Joey protested.

"I care about him," Kelly said through the tears. "He was here for me when you weren't. He gave me a reason to smile when all I could do was think about everything I'd lost. He got me through some of the worst years of my life."

"What are you saying?" Joey asked quietly. Everything sounded so final.

She stepped closer to him, placing her hand on his face and leaned in to softly kiss him.

He didn't dare pull away, even if he didn't completely understand. When she pulled back to look at him, he could see the tears in her eyes.

"What was that?" he asked her.

"That was goodbye," she said softly as she turned and walked back into the house.

From the street he watched as she walked through her front door, into her home—into her life….and out of his. There was nothing left to say, nothing left he could do—he had to let her go. When he had watched her walk away all those years ago the was something in him that knew it wasn't forever, but this..this time was different. This time felt final.

Taking one last look, he turned, got into his car and drove away.

Kelly sipped her wine as she laid her head on Scott's shoulder. The headlights reflected in the window as Joey drove away. She closed her eyes to blink back the tears.

"You ok?" Scott asked, noting her expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just been a long day," she smiled at him.

Scott pulled her closer to him, running his fingers through her hair.

"Today is over now. Tomorrow is a new day…We've got plenty of tomorrows to make up for days like today." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

Kelly nodded sadly. "Right, focus on the future. Forget the past."


	18. Without Her

He watched the scroll across the bottom of the screen. The words were cold and indifferent. All the reports, all the photos, all the eye witness accounts of the crash—none of it made this any more real.

He glanced across the room at Dorian, remembering the frantic knock at his door in the wee hours of last night. She'd come to him frantic—begging him to tell her that he'd heard from Kelly, but he hadn't.

She was so upset; it took him a few minutes to even realize what she was saying. When he turned on the tv, the news filled every station. It has been a large plane carrying several high profile business people—CEOs of large companies, political figures, and Kelly. His Kelly.

Telling Aubrey what happened made him angry, though it wasn't her fault. In truth, his anger wasn't directed at her…it was, and should have been, directed at him. He had missed his chance, and now that chance was gone forever.

Very little hope for survivors….those words kept repeating on the screen until he thought he'd go crazy if he saw them again. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Joe," Dorian said, softly. "We just heard from the police."

He looked up at her—his eyes begged her not to confirm his fears.

"She was definitely scheduled to be on the flight. She confirmed her tickets earlier today." The tears streamed down her own face as she watched Joey's face fall.

He reached out for her, clutching her small frame for support.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that—minutes…maybe hours, but when he finally mustered up the strength to speak, all he could manage was, "I didn't get to tell her."

Dorian looked over at him, "Tell her what?"

"That I loved her—that I never stopped," Joey responded tearfully. "I didn't get to tell her."

Dorian nodded. She knew Joey loved her. Everyone knew. Even Aubrey had to know. But hearing him say it now, when Kelly was gone—it had to be horrible…especially for Joey.

"You know what the crazy thing is?" Joey said, not really expecting an answer, "The crazy thing is, I never really thought I loved Aubrey. I mean, sure…I liked her and I kind of cared about her, but I never even thought I loved her the way I loved Kelly. I never expected to love anyone the way I loved Kelly. That kind of love was once in a lifetime, you know?"

Dorian shook her head, "I know," she smiled.

"I wasted all this time arguing with her over her relationship with John and telling her to stay out of my life with Aubrey and all the while I could have been telling her how I really felt. We could have had a life together….and now…it's over. She's gone and I'll never get to tell her any of this. How am I ever going to live with that?"

"Kelly knew that you cared about her," Dorian said, trying to be comforting, "She knew."

"But I hurt her…during these last few weeks we really had some rough moments. I told her to stay out of my life and to stay away from me. I accused her of being so jealous of me that she started up with John to rub it in my face. I just said horrible things to me. I can't fix it now. I can't take it back."

Dorian sat quietly for a moment, then reached for Joey's hand. "I wish I knew what to say," she said softly.

The sound of Blair's quick footsteps startled them both. "Dorian…Joey," she said, her breathing labored. "The police…they're on the phone. They said they have news about the crash."

Dorian's hand rushed to her mouth. "Oh God, they've found…"

Joey didn't know if he could stand. The thought of Kelly's body being found in a plane…of that being the last moments of life she'd experienced…he didn't think he could bear it.

Her hands shaking, Dorian took the phone, "Yes," she said.

Joey listened intently trying to glean what he could from Dorian's quick replies. Something was definitely going on, but he couldn't figure out what. The second the call ended, both Blair and Joey started the barrage of questions.

"What did they say?" they asked in unison.

Still dazed, Dorian muttered, "Her name isn't on the boarding roster."

"What?" Joey asked, stunned.

"The boarding roster. The actual list that they make when passengers check in. Her name wasn't on the boarding roster. They think there's a chance she might not have actually boarded the plane."

Joey clutched the edge of the couch for support. "So Kelly might not be on the plane after all? She might be ok? She might be coming home?" He could barely trust himself to stand. The rollercoaster of emotions was simply too much for him. He'd gone from trying to deal with losing Kelly forever, to having another chance at happiness with her…and the added bonus of now knowing just how precious that second chance was.

"Ugh," the voice from the foyer growled. "This damn suitcase has been nothing but trouble since the moment I got it from baggage claim. It's ridiculous that they charge you to check your bags and then they sling everything around. Can you believe they broke one of the wheels?" Kelly walked into the room, her arms filled with luggage and clearly more than a little irritated with her traveling experience.

She was in Joey's arms in an instant.

"Joey," she said, confused as she dropped the bags on the floor.

Pulling her away from him, he took a breath. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you," he said, leaning in to kiss her quickly.

Kelly pulled back. "What is the matter with you?"

Dorian rushed over to pull her into another tight grip. "Don't you ever do that to me again," she said, kissing her cheek and tightening her grip around Kelly's slight frame again.

"Are you two drunk?" Kelly asked with a slight smile.

As she looked around the room, her eyes fell on the tv screen. "What's that?" she asked, reading the scroll as her eyes widened. She didn't need the explanation as the scroll continued. "That's my flight."

"We know," Joey said, taking her hand and kissing it. "We thought you were on it. I thought I'd lost you."

"We both thought that," Dorian said, wiping a few stray tears from her face.

Kelly lowered herself to the couch slowly. "I…I missed my connection and I didn't make it," she said. "I could have been on that plane. The baggage claim…it was slow and my connecting flight had already left."

Joey pulled her close to him. "You're here. You're here and that's all that matters now."

Dorian stood from the couch. "I'm going to give you two a minute," she said, smiling at Joey. "I think Joe wants to talk to you about a few things."

Joey smiled as he watched Dorian leave the room, smiling more broadly as she winked at him over her shoulder. Turning his attention back towards Kelly, he took her hands in his. "Tonight..when Dorian told me this was your flight…I thought you were gone. I thought I'd never see you again."

"I'm sorry," Kelly said quietly. "I would have called…I just had no idea…"

"Shhh…" Joey said, kissing her hand again, "it doesn't matter. None of that matters now. I just…I realized something when I thought you were gone. I realized how much I need you…how big of a part of my life you are. Without you…there's this part of me that's gone….and it's the best part of me. I love you, Kelly. I always have. I think I always will."

Kelly looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. She'd waited so long to hear these words from him. "What about Aubrey?" she said, trying to be realistic. As much as she'd love to fall into his arms and forget about the rest of the world—Joey still had a very real problem—a very real commitment to a very real wife.

"I'll handle it. I've got to tell her the truth. I think she knows. It's apparently been pretty obvious to everyone but me," he said with a smile. "I promise you…I'll tell her first thing in the morning and then we get started on the adventure our lives."

Kelly took a breath, "I'd love that Joey..I really would, but"

"But, what?" Joey asked, his brow furrowed—what could Kelly possibly be worried about.

Kelly smiled, "That adventure cannot include any air travel."

"Deal," he said, leaning in for a kiss and then putting his arms around her.

Joey held her for a long moment before leaving to head home. Telling Aubrey wouldn't be pleasant, but it had to be done. Even if just for a few moments, he'd glimpsed life without Kelly tonight. Life without her was a life he didn't want to ever have to endure.

The End


	19. Even Now

It was the look in his eyes when she said it-screamed it, to be honest. The way he'd simply stopped and stared at her, his eyes betraying the hurt inside him. That was what she'd wanted, wasn't it? To hurt him as badly as he had hurt her, to make him feel just as betrayed, just as lonely as she had.

That was why she'd gone out that night. She was a woman with a mission. As she sat on the leather sofa, the silence weighed heavily upon her. Kevin had walked from the room without a word and she didn't follow him. She didn't know what to say. You didn't apologize for something you intended to do, did you? She'd wanted to do this-to throw the fact that she'd slept with another man in his face. But tonight, when she actually did it, when she actually said the words-it just didn't feel as good as she thought it would.

Kelly sighed, leaned back, allowing the sofa to cradle her as no one had in months. If this was the sweet revenge that everyone raved about, it sucked. Hurting Kevin hadn't made her pain go away. If anything, it actually made it worse. She was just as bad as he was. Even knowing how much his betrayal had hurt her, she willingly chose to inflict that pain on him.

'Scratch that,' she muttered, 'I'm worse.'

* * *

He couldn't be angry with her, no matter how badly he wanted to be. He had started this battle. He had fired the first shot. This was their way. This was what they did. They were destructive. The moment things started going well for them...the moment happiness started to creep up on the horizon, one of them would spook and do something stupid. Then it was up to the other to return fire. But this time-this time it had been different. Normally the stakes were lower-cheap shots, heated arguments, maybe a night out with no phone call, but this time he'd gone too far.

If he had been the one to tell her, he might have been able to salvage the situation, he thought to himself as he rolled the thin gold band around on the table. At least he could have been honest with her, told her his side of the story...told her that it didn't mean anything.

Instead Katie showed up at his door the next day to return a cufflink, a very polite but entirely self-serving gesture on her part. Even now he could still see the look on Kelly's face as she held out her hand, the cufflink sitting there like an accusation.

She never asked him. She didn't have to. The only words she spoke were in response to his. He had opened his mouth, fully prepared to launch into full scale damage control mode. She simply stared at him, her green eyes shimmering, "Don't. Just don't."

The sound of her high heels striking the porcelain tiles still echoed in his mind.

He had followed her, he remembered. The major difference between their reactions.

"Kelly, please...talk to me! Yell at me! You can say whatever you want. I don't care. I deserve it. I know how angry you must be."

"I'm not angry,"she whispered.

At the time, her reaction seemed ridiculous. In fact, he remembered wondering if she were in some sort of shock, but as he sat there, staring as his hand, a slight tan line where his ring should be, it all began to make sense.

She wasn't angry. She was hurt. The game they played didn't have winners. Tonight, they both lost. Tonight, the best they could hope for was to be even. This round was over.


	20. What I Really Meant To Say

She sighed deeply as the credits rolled and the lights slowly began to blanket the darkened theater. Cinema Paridiso always made her cry. Happy tears usually, but tonight-tonight was different. Tonight the tears had little to do with the movie and much more to do with the memories it brought up.

Bringing her hands up to her face, she shook her head quickly, smoothing her hair and tucking it behind her ears. She wouldn't do this again. She couldn't. It was pointless. This was her life now. Her mind flashed back to her earlier conversation with Blair-the one where her cousin had demanded that she get herself out there and mingle. Kelly stepped into the lobby, scanning the open area for the restroom. She wasn't sure who had been more foolish. Blair, for trying to give advice about dating, or her for actually listening.

It was at that moment that she felt, rather than saw, the man in front of her. As she slammed into him, ice cold soda soaked the front of her jacket and she heard him gasp.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered, immediately handing her napkins and reaching down to pick up her purse which had fallen by her side. "Are you okay?" His words stopped short as he straightened up, his eyes meeting hers for the first time.

"Kelly," he breathed.

"Joey," she managed, her own voice hoarse with a mix of embarrassment and emotion. "What are you doing here?"

"I uh...I was here to see the anniversary showing of Cinema Paridiso," he smiled, laughing a bit. "I'm guessing maybe the same goes for you?"

God she'd missed hearing his laugh...and that smile. She'd forgotten how his got to her...how one look from him made everything better.

"Yeah," she finally stammered, aware of her momentary silence. "I uh...I couldn't miss the chance of seeing it in a theater. I guess 100 times on DVD isn't quite enough." Her own nervous laughter rang out through the room as she shifted her weight nervously.

"Right," he smiled. Glancing down at her soaked shirt again, he fumbled through the napkins. "Let me help you with that." He gently reached out, his fingertips lightly touching her skin as he slipped the soaked jacket off her shoulders. "You can send me the bill for this," he smiled.

"It's fine...really. I'm sure it'll be fine." He was so close to her-close enough to reach out and touch and it took everything in her not to. It was so strange...to be in this place with him-so awkward and stilted-so unsure.

"So," she breathed, hoping the words would end the unbearable silence, "How are you?"

"I'm good...busy...but good. I've been doing some freelance photography. It's what I've always wanted to do...you know that."

Kelly nodded. She did know. She knew him better than anyone...the same way he knew her.

"What about you? Are you still in Llanview?"

"Kind of," she answered honestly. "I kind of go back and forth between there and London. I can't really settle down I guess."

Joey nodded. "I'm sure Zane likes being able to see you more."

"Yeah and I love being able to spend time with him. He and Kevin are hoping to be able to come to Llanview for the holidays this year though so everyone can spend it together. You should come," she suggested.

Joey took a breath. "I..."

"Hey, you ready?" She walked up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Joey turned, forcing a smile as he looked at her. "Yeah...Yeah...I just..I just ran into.." He stopped, looking at Kelly, not missing the look in her eyes, "I just literally ran into an old friend of mine."

It was as if someone had placed a vice around her heart. 'An old friend' Was that really all she was to him now?

* * *

"Oh," she smiled, extending her hand out to Kelly. "I'm sorry...Joey's a bit of a klutz, but you probably already know that. I'm Leslie Jacobs."

Kelly took another deep breath, forcing her hand to move. "Kelly," she replied softly, feeling a wave of pain come over her, "Kelly Cramer."

She stood, watching he face-hoping for a hint of recognition, hoping that Joey had talked about her, told stories about her, at least mentioned her, but if he had, Leslie's face showed none of it. Maybe she was nothing more to him than an old friend...a fond memory better off forgotten.

Leslie smiled, looking up at Joey. "We're going to get a drink, " she smiled. "Why don't you join us? I'd love to hear some good Joey stories."

"No," Kelly said quickly. "I mean, I can't...I need to get home...get out of these clothes and change, but thank you...thanks for the offer."

Joey's eyes fell on hers again. "We can wait for you to go change," he offered, looking back at Leslie for the okay.

"Sure," she replied. "We're in no hurry."

"No, really," Kelly replied, "I need to go. The two of you have a great time...really. It was great seeing you." She turned heading towards the door.

"Kelly wait." He reached out, grabbing her arm, his touch gentle but firm.

She turned, her eyes meeting his again. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a slip of paper and scribbling his address. "The bill...Send me the bill for the cleaning," he replied with a smile, handing the paper to her.

Kelly took the paper, staring up at him. If she didn't know better, she'd swear there was something in his eyes...something she recognized. A beckoning...a pull.

* * *

"Okay," she whispered, stepping aside as he walked past her with Leslie holding his hand.

As he reached the door, he glanced back over his shoulder, smiling at her, his eyes soft and kind as they always were.

Unfolding the paper, she stared down at it, blinking back the tears as the words slowly came into focus. She saw his phone number and blinked again to clear her eyes, afraid the words were mere hallucinations.

 _'I'm still in love with you. That's what I really meant to say.'_


	21. I Let Her Lie

"I wasn't sure you'd come," Kevin said quietly. He sat at the corner table staring at the untouched plate in front of him. He'd gone back and forth about whether or not this was a good idea. To say their relationship was a complicated one would be an understatement. They were brothers but at one time they had also been best friends. At other times, they had been unable to stand in the same room together. It had taken years to get back even a touch of the trust they had, and if taking a chance like this was what it took to keep things from going off the rails again, he was willing.

Joey sat down. "I was surprised you wanted me to come." He hated this-feeling so awkward and stilted around his own brother. It seemed a lifetime ago when Kevin had been his closest friend, his confidante, his most dependable ally, but that was all different now.

"You want to order something?" Kevin stammered, attempting to postpone what would surely be an unpleasant conversation. "The kitchen's still open."

"No..I'm good. Kelly and I went..." He stopped letting the words fall away. Kelly. She was what had changed everything between them years ago and now, she was what could come between them again.

"You don't have to do that," Kevin said quietly. "You make her happy. I know that. I think maybe I've always known that."

Part of him wondered if this was punishment, some higher power's way of making him pay for betraying his brother the way he did. Kelly was Joey's girl. That was a given-the way it had always been-the way it was meant to be. He had stepped in and interfered and, in the process, he had given his heart to a woman whose own was already taken.

Had he known from the beginning? Maybe. Did he see it in her eyes when they said their vows? Was there even the slightest hesitation when she said I do? Those moments played over in his mind and the truth was he didn't know and he never would.

What he did know is that Kelly wasn't happy with him and she hadn't been for a very long time...if, in fact, she ever was.

"Kevin," Joey began, "I know you and I know this must be killing you, but I want you to know...Kelly and I...we weren't...we never..."

Kevin shook his head and raised his hand to stop him. "I know." He stared at his brother, at the pain in his face. He had everything he'd ever dreamed of and yet he couldn't truly be happy. He couldn't let himself. "Joe-you don't need to feel guilty about this. I'm the ass here. I'm the one who cheated you out of years. I saw what this was doing to both of you and I was just too damn selfish to admit it to myself."

"You love her. You still love her?" It was a question he already knew the answer to and, although the answer would normally make him uncomfortable-angry even, in this case he understand. It was easy to fall in love with Kelly. He certainly knew that. He also knew it was damn near impossible to get her out of your soul.

"Yeah. I do, but that's why I did this. I love her too much to watch what this does to her. She wouldn't leave. She's too afraid I'd go back to drinking. She feels responsible for me and she's willing to sacrifice her own heart to spare mine."

Kevin took a breath. "She's been noble long enough. It's my turn."

He reached into his jacket, pulling out the signed divorce papers. " Tell her I love her. Tell I love her enough to let her go."


	22. Earthquake

Joey jerked the wheel sharply to the right. The flashing lights of the ambulance behind him only added to his feelings of urgency. He clenched his jaw tight as the vehicle sped around him, the wailing siren screaming through the eerily silent air. No one had expected this-Pennsylvania was known for the occasional snowstorm, but earthquakes? Not here.

He pulled towards the Palace hotel-the parking lot filled with cars. They'd probably been near capacity last night with the holidays coming up. Lights flashed from different emergency vehicles and firefighters, paramedics, and emergency personnel ran about with equipment. Stretchers emerged from the building-one after another-each carrying a person who was injured-though he couldn't tell how much.

They had long since decided to just be friends-their history for too weighted for either of them to understand, much less sort through, but she'd never be just a friend to him and, in his mind, he believed she felt the same.

Kelly was, and always would be, a part of him. She was the first woman to ever have his heart, and she'd hold a part of it forever. They were supposed to meet today-for lunch. She'd suggested noon and he'd countered with two. He had a meeting with a prospective client.

It was 12:45 now and he couldn't help but think he would have been with her if he'd only accepted her offer. As he finally found an available spot and climbed from the car, he began to survey the damage. Huge chunks of brick and concrete blocked the entrances and entire walls seem to have collapsed.

Workers stood outside mumbling about structural damage and he shuddered when he would of them mention the word collapse. Joey swallowed hard as his eyes searched the crowd. He'd called her cell phone nearly thirty times in the past twenty minutes and gotten nothing.

"Excuse me." He stepped toward an officer.

"Sir. I'm going to need you to step back behind the line, please."

"But I...I'm looking for someone...Someone staying in the hotel...I..."

"We still have 67 people unaccounted for. Right now we're trying to determine the safest way to get as many people out of there as we can. We can't do that without your cooperation. Now, please...get back..."

"Could you just..." He stopped as the officer stepped away. He wanted to scream, but his voice would just be one of many. The cries of the crowd behind him seemed to grow louder with each passing moment. He glanced down at the phone again, ready to dial the number again as his eyes fell upon the side door.

There was no hesitation. He had no choice. As he stepped into the darkened hallway, he could see the emergency lights in the distance. The floor was soaked, and he looked up to see the sprinkler systems had been activated.

Joey stepped through the standing water, happy to find the door to the stairwell was open. He stepped inside, the dark room unnerving to his senses. His hand groped for the banister as he began the slow descent up the stairs.

"Kelly," he called out.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the entrance to the third floor.

"Kelly," he called again. "Can you hear me?" He listened again, his body leaning into the hallway.

"Kel," he called again, the desperation now becoming evident. Still nothing.

He stood still for another long moment, unable to move, afraid to breath-afraid that any noise might drown out the soft cry he prayed he would hear. He needed to be rational and he knew it, but his feelings for Kelly were anything but. Leaving this building without her-without knowing where she was or if she was okay-it seemed impossible.

Still he forced his feet to move as he turned to move down the stairs. The side door was jerked from his hand as he pushed on it. The paramedic on the other side looked stunned and immediately began reaching out to him.

"I'm fine," he muttered quickly. "I wasn't in the building...I just went in to...I was looking for someone."

"No one is allowed in the build..."

"I know," Joey snapped. "I'm out now...ok? It's fine." He turned walking away towards his car. Hoards of people swarmed around him in nearly every direction yet he was certain he had never felt so alone.

"My God, Joey," a voice called out.

His eyes lifted.

Kelly rushed towards him, disheveled for sure, but alive.

"I...umph.." The word literally fell from her mouth as he pulled her towards him. He squeezed her tight for a moment, then she felt him relax, his hands trembling as they slowly slid up to her face.

"I'm sorry," he stammered. "I was just...I was so worried about you. All the reports of the damage and then when I got here and saw the building...I couldn't find you and..." He looked into her eyes then, his own words stalling. He couldn't describe it-the feeling-the panic, the dread, the total and complete sense of loss. To lose someone that you love so completely..so deeply was just...

"I love you," he said simply, taking a breath before adding, "I know I'm not supposed to say that. I'm not supposed to feel that, but I do. I love you and I'll never stop. I can't."

Kelly opened her mouth to speak. "Joey, I..."

"Before you say anything, Kel...I just want you to know that I understand, ok? I know it's too complicated. I get it. I'm not asking you to say anything or do anything and I'm not expecting you to feel anything. I just need you to know this. When I was running up those stairs in there...looking for you...screaming your name...All I could think about was everything I might never get to say. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I had the chance right now and I didn't tell you how I felt. And so, I guess I just want you to know...no matter what happens...no matter where you go...no matter who you're with..I'll always love you."

"What if I want to be with you?"

Her voice was quiet, so quiet in fact that for a moment he was certain he'd misunderstood.

"What?" he said, blinking hard.

"What if I want to be with you?" she repeated, louder now...a smile beginning to form across her face. The same smile that had captured his heart years ago.

"I..." His breath escaped in a loud spurt, catching in his throat. "You mean?"

"Joey," she smiled, "Do you honestly think I enjoy going to photography exhibits? Do you think I plan my weekends around the local gallery showings?"

"I thought...I guess I just thought..." He shook his head.

"I go for you...to be with you...and yes, I am your friend, but that's only because I thought that was what you wanted. You will never be just a friend to me. You are my first love-that never goes away."

The moment was broken by screams echoing through the air as people rushed back towards the parked cars. The sound of breaking glass and crashing debris was deafening.

As the dust cleared, Joey looked up as Kelly moved from under his protective embrace.

"My God," she said softly, as her eyes fell on the remnants of the Palace. "I can't believe it's gone." She looked up towards Joey, reaching out to find his hand, clutching it tightly in hers. "We had so many memories there."

Joey nodded. "The memories are still here," he whispered, kissing her hand softly before bringing it to rest over his heart.


	23. Truth

"Some things really are universal," Joey said softly, his words finally breaking the awkward silence.

Kevin looked up, his eyes leaving the emergency room doors for the first time in what felt like hours, "What?"

"You know-I go all these places taking pictures. I see these amazing things..all these different cultures, the way people eat, the way they dress, the way they live...it's all so different, but this," He glanced around the room, at the drawn faces of the people around him, the creased foreheads, the tear-stained cheeks, "This always looks the same. When bad things happen-whatever it is, wherever it is. It's the same look every time."

Kevin sighed, "She's gonna be ok, Joe." He needed to convince his brother just as much as he needed to convince himself. Things hadn't been easy with Kelly the last few years. He'd made a series of questionable choices and she'd done her best to match each one, but they were finally in a good place. They were being honest with each other-even seeing a marriage counselor. For the first time in a long time, he really believed there was hope for them.

More than that, he and his brother were getting back some semblance of what they used to have. Joey had been his best friend and it meant the world to him to have him in London-even if it meant Kelly was also seeing more of him. She assured him they were only friends, but Kevin couldn't shake the feeling that their connection was still there. Still, tonight Joey was keeping him sane. When he got the phone call that Kelly had been in a car accident, it had been Joey who'd driven to the hospital and kept it together long enough to get the reports from the doctor.

"Kev," Joey said, his hand touching his shoulder this time.

Kevin jumped a bit, realizing he'd been lost in his own thoughts. "Sorry...what?"

"You can see her. The doctor said you can go in."

Kevin stood quickly, his stomach dropping a bit. He couldn't quite understand this feeling-the anxiety that seemed to settle in his gut. "I," he hesitated, "maybe you should go in first. I mean you've always been good with the words and all..."

"Kevin, it's all gonna be fine. You heard what the doctor said-a couple of cracked ribs, a mild concussion. She's gonna be sore and have a hell of a headache. That's gonna be the worst of it. She'll be awake soon and I'm sure she'd like to see you when she is." Joey smiled supportively and gently nudged his brother towards the door.

Kevin nodded. "You're right as usual. Thanks." He stepped into the room, carefully taking a seat by the bed. Despite the accident, she had only one visible bruise which seemed almost unnoticeable as her soft hair fell across her face. Taking her hand in his, He softly whispered, "Kel, I'm here. Everything's gonna be fine...just fine."

He breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her eyes flutter ever so slightly. That simple gesture reassuring him that she heard his words and she knew he was with her. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. "Love you, Kel"

He thought he saw a slight smile before her mouth begin to move, her voice weak and barely discernible, but the message to him was all too clear.

"Love you, Joey."


	24. Dreams of Perfection

_The sunlight was almost blinding, but the warmth felt good as it soaked into his skin. He couldn't see her clearly, but he could hear her-her laugh, the way it floated through the air and seemed to hang there for a moment. He blinked a few times and was able to make out the outline of her body._

 _She came closer and he was able to see her smile. As he reached out for her hand, he felt the surge go through him. They had known each for years and loved each other for many of them, yet she could still get to him like no one else. In the years they'd been apart it was as if a piece of him had been missing and now that she was with him again, every day, every time he was with her, it was like coming home again._

 _The sunlight was so bright that it blinded him, causing pain to course through his eyes and into his temples. He squinted and raised his hand to block the rays._

 _"What's happening?" Kelly asked. Her heart was beating so fast that she felt as if she might pass out herself. It shouldn't have taken something like this to make her realize how important he was._

 _"Are you okay?" She couldn't help but laugh as she looked up at him._

 _"Me?" He smiled at her as he lowered her to the floor and reached down to wring out his shirt. "I'm great. Why wouldn't I be? It's just a little thunderstorm. I'm sure it will pass."_

 _"Ummm...honey..." Kelly eyed the window of the hotel room warily, glancing back at him. "I don't think a hurricanes like being called little thunderstorms. In fact, it probably kind of pisses them off."_

 _He smiled approaching her slowly and brushing her soaking wet hair away from her face. "Uh, oh...you mean, it might rain fro the entire time and we might be stuck in here?"_

 _She giggled. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you planned this."_

 _God he loved her-"I'm hurt...you honestly think I'd sabotage our honeymoon by trapping us in a hotel room for a week while a hurricane holds us hostage?"_

 _Kelly grinned again, snuggling in against him as she brushed a drop of water off his cheek. "I can think of worse ways to spend a week she laughed," as the water continued to drip off of both of them._

Sweat poured down his face as his body jerked and convulsed. She couldn't tell if he was in pain or if the contortions on his face were muscle spasms.

"Please do something," she pleaded, looking up across the room. "I can't just stand here and watch him. I've got to do something. Please...help me help him.

"We've done all we can do. I think the only one that can help him now is you. I'll give you two some time."

" _Mia!" His eyes widened as he walked into the room. Every single article of clothing from her closet was strewn onto the floor. "Mia, what are you doing with Mommy's clothes?" He couldn't help but smile as he looked at the tiny girl, wrapped up in a trench coat and purple scarf._

 _"Playing dress up," she replied, pulling down the oversized sunglasses so she could peek out over them, just as she'd seen her mother do so many times before. "Do I look like Mommy?"_

 _Joey smiled. She looked exactly like her mother. The same beautiful honey colored hair, the same piercing green, the same giant smile, with the personality to match. "Yes, sweetie you look exactly like your Mommy, but we better get this stuff back in Mommy's closet before she gets home or she'll have kittens."_

 _Mia giggled as the phrase. "That's silly, Daddy."_

 _Joey giggled as well. He knew Kelly would be as taken with the scene as he was, but he couldn't let Mia completely run over him...not any more than she already did._

 _As he began to put the shoes away, Mia reached for his hand._

"Joey." The grip on his hand grew tighter and stronger...far too strong for a little girl...and the voice...it wasn't a child...it was different...older...but familiar.

"Joey, please..." She sounded upset, worried. He knew that voice. It was a voice he'd heard many times, a voice that comforted him. His mind raced as he struggled to place it...Kelly, he realized. He felt his muscles relax as he solved the mystery.

Why was Kelly calling out to him? Where was she and why wasn't he with her? He struggled to call back to her, but his mouth seemed frozen. No words would come.

He continued to struggle..."Ke..." He managed.

Kelly stilled, sitting up straight, the sudden response startling her. "Joey," she whispered. Her breathing was so rapid that she struggled to respond clearly. "I'm here." Tears began to stream down her face. It had been days since she'd heard his voice.

When Vicki had called her and told her about the accident, she'd been so terrified that she'd never see him again, and then, seeing him like this...this had been torture. Now, even hearing this simple noise, it warmed her heart.

"What are you trying to say?" she tried again, placing her hands on top of his, desperately trying to let him know he was here. Hoping against hope that it mattered...that somehow, after all this time, her presence still meant something to him.

The lump in her throat only grew larger as his eyes fluttered open. "You're here," he said quietly, his eyes scanning the room. "Where's..." It didn't take long for realization to hit him...for him to realize that none of it had been real. There was no honeymoon, no beach, no Mia.

"Where's what?" Kelly smiled at him as he looked up at her?

Joey shook his head. "I just...I was having a dream." He looked away for a moment, unable to meet her eyes again so soon. It seemed ridiculous to mourn something that never really existed and yet he missed his wife and child.

"A dream about us?" Kelly correctly assumed.

"It doesn't matter," he said quietly, forcing a smile as he turned back to face her. "At least you don't have to sit here and talk to a lump on a log anymore."

Kelly frowned. "I would have sat here forever." The words even surprised her as they hung in the air.

Joey stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say-questioning if what she said meant what he thought it did. "What do you mean?"

"The thought of not having you in my life...I couldn't even imagine..." She stopped then, chocking on her own words. "I just...I don't want that life."

Glancing back at him, she took a deep breath and continued, "Now that I have a choice, I don't plan to go back to that."

He wasn't sure what gave him the courage-God knows she'd turned him down before, but the words came flooding from his mouth before his brain could stop them. "I'm tired of dreaming," he said, "I want a life with you."

For a second he was terrified because she was silent yet in next second her lips were on his and he was reminded of why the dreams had seemed so incredibly real. Being with Kelly was his dream and it was finally coming true.


	25. The List

Dammit…where is it?" Kelly frantically paced around the room. She picked up the folders, flipping through them quickly as she glanced frantically around on the desk. This could not be good.

She was tired, after all she'd been up half the night thinking about it. Ever since he'd asked her, it was the only thing she could think about. Proposals were supposed to make you swoon. They were supposed to make you think about your dreams..about everything you wanted to share with that person. This proposal had done nothing but make her think about all the reasons she shouldn't say yes.

She was quiet…too quiet. No woman who'd just been proposed to should be this quiet. Even the ring hadn't garnered the response the he'd expected.

"It's too soon," he sighed, staring down at the floor, unable to take the humiliation any longer. "I knew it was too soon. I knew I should've waited. I just…I love you and I'm so happy with you. I just wanted us to start our lives and…"

"No…No…It's not that." She hated making him feel like she didn't want him. He was so good to her and he loved her. She just…she'd never expected this. When Mitchell had told her he had a surprise, she thought a nice dinner or a dozen roses might be waiting for her, she never expected the three carat diamond that sparkled in the velvet box before her.

"I just…I guess I'm just surprised." Watching his face for a reaction, she felt an overwhelming surge of guilt. The disappointment in his eyes was obvious. "I just need a little bit of time. Just a little bit." She stood up, kissing him, and pulling him closer to her.

He'd gone to bed not long after the conversation. He pretended to understand, but she knew how hurt he was. All he wanted to do was love her, take care of her, make her happy and yet she couldn't fully commit to him….though she didn't know exactly why. That was when she'd reached into the desk drawer, grabbing the paper and pencil. Pros and cons seemed a logical way to decide this.

The pros side flowed easily. Mitchell had always been wonderful with her. He was one of the most considerate people she'd ever met and anything she wanted, no matter what it was, became his number one priority. He would dedicate his entire life to making her happy. Even though she didn't need that, it was nice to know she had someone in her life that cared about her happiness that much.

The con side was more difficult, but something she needed to consider. Her mind wandered as she thought about everything she'd written.

1) He wants a family. That didn't seem like a con initially, but the more she thought about what he wanted out of life, the more she realized how his goals differed from hers. She had Zane and she wasn't sure she wanted more children. Even if she did—she wasn't sure she could have a baby. Having Zane had almost killed her and Zane was born so early that his survival was in jeopardy for months.

2) He hates Paris. She remembered the first time they'd gone to Paris together. Mitchell had been miserable. He hated the language, the culture, the weather, the food…everything. It was hard enough for her to be there…with anyone other than Joey, but to be there with someone who hated it so much made it even worse.

3) He had a perfect family. Happily married parents, a brother, a sister, a beautiful house with a picket fence and a dog named Spot. Her family? No father, No mother, No siblings, a strong family history of mental illness. It wasn't that he judged her…he didn't, but he also didn't understand. Without having any family problems of his own, there was no way he could ever understand the circus she grew up in.

4) Spot Jr hated her. Dogs had been a part of Mitchell's life since he was a small child. After his childhood friend, Spot Sr. died of old age, Mitchell had purchased Spot Jr, a spirited Yorkie who adored him. Spot didn't adore Kelly, in fact hugging Mitchell almost always got her a growl and snap in response.

5) Kevin hated him. She wasn't sure exactly why. Ever since she moved away from Llanview and away from Joey, Kevin had been less than thrilled with her romantic choices. When she decided to move in with Mitchell, Kevin had openly admitted that he thought Mitchell was "a schmuck". She'd asked why repeatedly, but he'd never been able to give her a definitive reason. She was pretty sure that any man she chose would be a schmuck unless he was Joey.

Kelly stared at the page…watching as the words seemed to multiply. The pros seemed so easy, but the more cons she wrote, the easier they were to think of. She wanted to love him. She wanted to be happy about the proposal, but she couldn't. Even with all these reasons, none of them were the real reason. She felt her eyes sting with the familiar twinge of tears.

7) He's not Joey. That, she knew, was the real reason she couldn't allow herself to be really happy. That was the reason she couldn't say yes to the proposal. That was the reason she could let Mitchell put that ring on her finger.

Now, as she frantically searched for the paper, she tried to swallow past the feeling of dread that welled up within her. She had signed the permission slip, folded it up, written a quick note on the paper, and folded it neatly into the envelope. The addressed letter had been mailed nearly an hour ago. Now it was on its way to London.

"My God…if Kevin gets that letter."

"Kevin won't get the letter."

Kelly turned, her eyes snapping to attention as she saw Mitchell standing in the doorway, the yellow page of the notepad in his hand. "Mitchell," she whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…" She knew how much this would hurt him. Everything she'd written on that page—as true as they were—would break his heart and nothing in her wanted to do that. "I'm so sorry," she said quietly.

"Don't be sorry," he said quietly.

"It was honest," she admitted quietly. "At least I was honest with you…even though I didn't realize it."

And, she thought as he walked out of the door, and out of her life, now she'd now been honest with herself.

The End


	26. Hurt

It had been nearly twenty minutes since she'd stepped out of the car and walked up the cobblestone path to the front door. Had it not been for the freezing winter weather, she wasn't sure how long she would have stood there—staring, waiting for courage, for strength, for peace…for something.

Her hands trembled as she reached into her jacket pocket, grasping the keys and unlocking the door. Taking a deep breath, she stepped inside, closing the door behind her softly. It was dark, silent—so unlike the way it had been when they were together—when they were young and happy and in love.

She reached up for the light, finding the switch without any problem. Everything here was so familiar. She'd walked these rooms ten thousand times, but never alone..never like this..never knowing that one element of this house would be forever missing.

The light blanketed the room in an instant. Her eyes fell on the fireplace, the pictures—his face. She felt the tears begin to burn in her eyes as she reached out and took the frame in her hands.

Carefully, she brushed away the dust that had settled on the glass. It had been too long since she'd been here.

"Kel, I know how much I hurt you…not trusting you..not believing you when you said that Aubrey was conning me." Joey took a step closer, reaching out to her.

She shook her head, pulling away. "Just stop," she whispered. "I can't do this again. I can't let myself go here again. I begged you to listen to me. I begged you to trust me and you accused me of not wanting you to be happy…of being so jealous that I would intentionally sabotage your relationship. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Kel. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry that I hurt you. I don't know what I was thinking. I was so stupid. It was so stupid of me to believe Aubrey…especially over you…you of all people. You've always been the one person that I could count on above everyone else."

"I thought that too," she whispered, "but you didn't trust me….You didn't trust me enough."

"It's not about that though. I made a mistake. I did something stupid and I hurt you. I never wanted to do that. That's why I'm here. That's why I asked you to meet me here. I wanted to apologize and I wanted you to remember the way it was between us…the way it can be again."

She stared back at him. His eyes were honest and sincere and she didn't doubt his words for a second. "I wish that were true, Joey. I really do."

"It is," he said softly.

Shaking her head, she felt the tears begin to fall down her face. "I can't…not this time. I can't be your second choice…I won't be that..not for you..not for anybody…not anymore."

"That's not what this is…this isn't a rebound, Kel. I love you…I always have. We've always had that connection." He took her hand in his for a moment, pulling her closer to him. "Please…"

She smiled. "I love you too," she whispered. "And if this is really what you want…you'll still want this later…but right now it's too soon…and I can't jump into this with you." Pulling her hand from his, she opened her mouth to speak, but stopped.

"Kelly, wait…" He watched helplessly as she turned towards the door.

"You take care of yourself," she whispered as she walked out the door.

* * *

The sight of her tears falling on the glass brought her thoughts back to the present. Even now, she could remember how proud she'd been of herself for lasting a respectable forty-eight hours before she'd regretted walking away from him.

She'd called his cell and left message after message, telling herself he was busy with work or that his phone was malfunctioning, or that he was in an area that had poor service. She never imagined the truth…

Her fingertips traced his face through the glass. "Joey," she whispered. "I don't know how to do this."

Turning around the room, her breath caught in her throat. There were so many memories here. The chair in the corner—the one they'd curled up in watching movies and eating pizza. The stairs where they'd laughed, and kissed, and fought, The window that they'd danced in front of so many nights, and the couch—She ran her fingertips over the soft fabric remembering the many nights she spent lying there, all wrapped up in his arms.

Tomorrow she was supposed to be at a church, prepared to say goodbye to the man she'd loved most of her life…and tonight she was standing in a house where days ago she'd thrown away her last chance with him.

* * *

"You know what the hardest thing is," she cried, the tears still streaming down her face? "I need you now more than ever. I need you to help me get through this. You've always been the one that I turned to when my life was falling apart and now my life has completely been blown to bits and you're gone."

She stared at the picture, feeling the hurt and anger well up inside her. "How the hell am I supposed to do this?" she screamed, hurling the picture at the mantle, cringing as she heard the glass shatter against the brick.

Her legs seemed to give out beneath her as she slumped to the floor, reaching out to grab the pieces of jagged glass.

"Hey, careful…be careful with that." The voice behind her startled her, and she turned her head quickly. "Kevin," she sighed, suddenly aware of what a mess she must be.

"Here," he said, reaching out and grabbing her hands, helping her to her feet. He walked with her over to the sofa, sitting down and waiting as she finally sat down next to him. He turned towards her, his eyes soft and filled with concern, "What are you doing here?"

She took a breath, grasping the broken frame and fighting for control of her voice. "I'm guessing probably the same thing you are. I think part of me maybe hoped I'd show up here and find him sitting here…Maybe this whole damn thing was some sort of cruel joke or a horrible mistake."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. It just doesn't seem possible. It doesn't seem possible that he's gone."

"The last time that I saw him, I walked away from him. He told me he loved me. He wanted us to try again and I turned him down. I turned my back on him. How do I live with that. How do I go on knowing that the last time I saw him I hurt him that badly?"

"At least you know what you said." Kevin stared at the floor. "I can't even remember the last time we talked. I've been so preoccupied with BE lately that I haven't had time to do anything. I haven't called…I haven't written…I haven't visited and the last time he called me, I cut the call short because of some stupid business meeting."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I know he was your brother. I know you're hurting too….I'm sorry."

He reached out, putting his arm around her shoulder and allowing her to rest her head against his. "Yeah," he sighed. "He was my brother and he was the love of your life."

She turned her head, looking up at him, her eyes wide and still filled with tears. "And tomorrow we have to say goodbye to him."

"Tomorrow we say goodbye…Tonight," he reached out, taking the picture from her hand and sitting it up on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "Tonight, we just remember."

The End


	27. If I Didn't Know Better

Kelly sat on the sofa waiting for Kevin to return to the room. It had been a nice visit. Zane was doing well in school, so well in fact that he'd been chosen to attend a summer program in Venice. He'd known about it for a few weeks, but he'd chosen that night to tell them. He wanted to wait until he could tell them together.

They were both so happy and proud that they couldn't turn down his request to go celebrate with friends even if it did mean they wouldn't be having dinner together.

The sound of footsteps shook her from her thoughts.

"There's an awful lot of food in there," Kevin smiled, gesturing back towards the kitchen

"We'll just do it tomorrow night," Kelly smiled, standing and walking towards the coat closet.

"Come on, Kel. Neville has already cooked and you know how he hates wasted food. Besides it will give us a chance to talk. It's been forever since we've had any time alone."

Kelly sighed, feeling the familiar tension return to her body. That, she thought silently, was no accident. She loved coming to London and visiting Zane, but every time she saw Kevin there was a pull there, a pull she constantly fought because she knew it only led to disaster.

"He can save it til tomorrow. It'll be fine," she protested.

"Leftovers, Kel? You know better than that." He reached out, his hand grabbing hers before the thought better of it. She jerked back immediately.

"I'm sorry," she stammered, catching the hurt look in his eye. "I didn't mean...I mean...you just...you startled me...that's all."

Kevin stepped back, turning away from her. "You can say it. You can say that you don't want to be here with me. It's obvious every time you walk in the door-the way you rush over to Zane like you're desperate for a distraction, the way you talk to Neville like he's your newest best friend, the way you'll go to bed while it's still light out if it means you can avoid spending any time alone with me."

Her expression softened. He didn't understand and she couldn't expect him to. "I don't mean it like that," she whispered, moving around in front of him. "It's just that I know how...I know how we..."

"You know how I am," he said. "You know how I was...you know what an ass I was, what an idiot I was, the mistakes I made. I get it, ok?"

"Kev," she started, reaching out her hand, desperate to soothe the pain she'd caused.

"You can go now," he whispered, turning away from her again.

The hurt and fear and resentment gave way to anger and before she knew it she grabbed his shoulder and whirled him around to face her.

"Dammit, Kevin Buchanan, don't you get it?! You're right, I do come here and throw myself into Zane's life because I'm trying to distract myself and I talk to Neville to keep myself away from you and yes, I would go to bed in the middle of the afternoon if it meant I wouldn't spend time alone with you but you're dead wrong about why!"

The sudden change in her emotions had taken him completely off guard. He stood in stunned silence as she continued her tirade.

"It's not because I don't want to be with you, it's because I want to so much that it scares me. It's because I'm afraid if I give myself even one inch with you that we'll go right back down that road and we'll end up hurting each other again and I don't want to see that happen to you or to me and especially to Zane."

"Kel," he said softly, reaching out to her and taking her hand in his. "I..."

She pulled away again. "We don't work, Kev. We just don't. I love you and I know you love me, but that's not enough...not for this...not for us. We're toxic. We hurt each other and I care too much."

He took a breath, swallowing hard. The hardest part was hearing the truth-a truth even he couldn't refute. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Reaching up she covered his hand with hers. "If I didn't know better," she whispered, "I wouldn't even hesitate." Bringing his hand to her lips, she kissed it gently, grabbed her jacket and walked out the door.


	28. The Dance

She heard the door shut, the soft latch in sharp contrast to the slamming sound that had rattled the window panes hours earlier. Closing her eyes tightly, she stood up, walking slowly over the window. She wasn't up for another round-not tonight.

Seeing her car in the driveway had sent a wave of relief through his body and seeing the light still on in the living room had given him even more hope, but one look into the living room told him everything he needed to know about how she felt.

"Kelly." Kevin stepped into the room. It had been hours since he'd left, hours since they'd last screamed hateful words at each other, hours since she'd thrown their wedding photo into the flames in the fireplace, hours since he'd walked out the door for what he thought might be the last time.

She stood silently, staring out the window. It was the same old routine. She would ask him a question, he would accuse her of not trusting him, she'd ask him if she had reason, he'd get angry, she'd yell, he'd scream, one of them would storm out, one of them would come back, they'd apologize, make love, and then wait until it started all over again.

This was their dance...this was the way they were together.

He took a step forward, reaching out and touching her shoulder. He felt her body stiffen beneath his fingertips.

"Hey," he whispered, turning her around to face him. "I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry things got so crazy."

Kelly sighed, reaching up to brush her hair away from her face. The tears had long since dried up. She found herself crying less and less these days as if she was getting used to the drama-the pain-the volatile life she now led.

In his eyes she still saw the man she married. The was so much love there, so much tenderness, so much passion. That had been what had drawn them together in the first place. No matter how much they fault, no matter what he said or did, she never doubted his love-not for a second.

"Say something," Kevin said softly, unnerved by her silence.

"How many times do you think we can do this?" She looked up at him, his eyes softening as she spoke. "How many times can we say horrible things to each other before we start believing them? How many times can I accuse you of drinking or cheating before you prove me right?" She felt her voice begin to shake.

It was a reflex-the desire to stop her, to comfort her, to reassure her that nothing she said or did would ever push him so far that he wouldn't come back.

"I'll always come back," he said softly, touching her face. "I know this was...I said things, but...I'll never leave you. I love you, Kel. You know that, don't you?" Looking into her eyes, he saw the pain there and it broke his heart to know that he was responsible.

"You do know that, don't you? Kel?"

"I know you love me," she said softly. "And I love you, but that doesn't change the fact that we keep doing this to each other. I guess I just want to know when its enough? When have we said enough hateful things to stop this?"

He reached out, pulling her closer to him. "I don't know...I don't know if it's ever enough for us. Isn't that what makes us us?"

He felt her head drop to his chest and he gently lifted her chin with his fingertips. "You think we'll ever build a picket fence, join a carpool, and start hosting book clubs? That's not us. That's not what we do."

She felt the intensity of his eyes as they stared at her. He was right. "But don't you ever just get tired...don't you ever just wish we could be normal?"

A soft laugh fell from his lips. "Normal? Kelly Cramer wants normal? Normal is overrated. Normal isn't us."

He pulled her closer to him, the heat from his body radiated through her.

"Right," she whispered, her breathing already becoming heavy as she felt his lips hovering above hers.

His lips fell on hers and for a moment nothing else mattered. When he pulled away, his hands still tangled in her hair, she stared at him, her eyes wide with questions.

"What?" she asked, fighting for air.

"This is us," he smiled.

His eyes seemed to melt her resolve and somehow all the questions, all the arguments, all the tears-they all faded away. And yet here they were, standing here, staring into each other's eyes.

She stepped back into his embrace, her lips curving into a smile as she felt his arms wrap around her again.

Their relationship wasn't normal or typical or stable, but neither were they. They had issues, fears, and scars, but somehow, someway they were better together.

As she felt his lips on hers once more, she allowed her eyes to close as she silently prayed that their dance would never end.

The End


	29. One True Thing

The obituary was simple-brief and to the point-everything she wasn't. It was strange to him, how he felt holding the paper in his hands as he read the words. Dorian had been the first woman he ever loved and yet she'd hurt him in ways no one ever had since...thankfully. In some ways he was ashamed to admit he felt somewhat relieved that she'd no longer be around to terrorize his family, but in other ways, he was sad-sad that he'd never talk with her again, sad that he'd never see her light up a room when she strolled in, sad that he'd never hear her call him 'Joe' in the way that only she could.

His fingers grazed the page as he let his eyes drift down the page. Kelly Cramer. Even reading the name felt like a fist to his heart. He hadn't seen her in years. She'd taken a publishing job in Chicago and, based on everything he'd heard, things were going well for her. Kelly always was determined and her success didn't surprise him in the least.

He closed his eyes. Dorian had been Kelly's whole world for years. Without a mother growing up, Kelly had leaned on Dorian's financial support throughout her childhood. Later, Dorian had given her confidence, a home, and the family she always dreamed of. Losing her would devastate Kelly and seeing Kelly hurting made him hurt even worse.

The knock at the door made him sigh. The world didn't stop-even if it had for some people. This was probably someone from The Banner. Dorian's death was tragic, but it was also headline news.

The sight at his door stunned him into silence. She hadn't changed a bit in the years since he'd seen her, but she looked as if she hadn't slept in days. Her cheeks were streaked with mascara while fresh tears continued to flow.

Words betrayed him, but he didn't need them. He simply gathered her in his arms and pulled her inside. She didn't resist, allowing him to take her hand. He pulled her bag in and closed the door and as he turned around to face her, he found her falling into his arms, sobbing against his chest.

"She's gone," she sobbed.

Joey shook his head, pulling his arms tighter around her slight frame. Pressing her cheek against his face, he felt tears begin to sting in his own eyes, "I know. I'm so so sorry."

Kelly leaned back a little, her eyes bloodshot and tired. She glanced around for a moment, realizing for the first time how inconsiderate she had been to simply barge in and throw herself into his arms without so much as a phone call.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, wiping her eyes. "I shouldn't have just barged in like this. I just...I didn't know who else to..."

Joey looked at her. "It's ok. You can always come here. You know that...you can always count on me. You know that."

"I didn't get to tell her...When I left...I never told her how much I appreciated everything she did for me. I never got to tell her how much I loved her." Kelly felt as if her legs might give out beneath her.

Joey slowly wrapped his arms around her waist and guided her to the couch.

Kelly closed her eyes. It was like he could read her mind. He always could.

"Look at me." Joey took her chin in his hand, gently turning her face towards him. "Dorian knew how much you loved her. She knew how much you appreciated everything she did for her. How many times did you tell her thank you, huh?"

She shook her head. Not enough-somehow it felt like she hadn't said it enough.

"Everyone knows how you feel, Kel...even if you don't say it with words. It's always in your eyes. Every time you smiled at her, she saw how much you loved her. Every time you came when you called her, she knew how much you appreciated everything she'd done for you."

She drew in a deep breath. Joey always knew exactly what to say. He knew her so well...better than she knew herself and when she'd gotten the call, he was the first person she thought of. His house was the only destination she could think of when she got in the cab at the airport.

"Kel?" Joey touched her shoulder gently, his heart melting a little as her eyes rose to meet his gaze. "What are you doing here? I mean, I'm glad you came, but shouldn't you be with your family? With Blair?"

Kelly shook her head. "I couldn't think of anywhere else to go," she admitted. "Every time in my life that something bad happened...no matter what happened..you've always been there. When my mother got sick again, when Ian died, when Drew died, when Cassie was shot, when Dorian was in the hospital...you were always there."

Joey looked back at her. Her words meant more to him than she'd ever know.

"I just kept thinking about how I felt when you'd put your arms around me. About how it felt to be loved by you...and that's what I needed. I just needed to feel the way I did when you put your arms around me. i needed to feel that safe again." She looked up at him, feeling her face burn with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." She stood up, walking away quickly.

"Hey," he said softly, standing up and walking up behind her. "No...don't be sorry." He touched her shoulder.

She felt the warmth of his hand through her thin cardigan and she closed her eyes as she stood there. "Joey." This wasn't the time. Her aunt-one of the most important people in her world was gone. She shouldn't be worrying about, or even thinking about, her love life.

He turned her around gently. "Don't worry," he smiled. "I'm not going to get into this now. You don't need this right now, but I want you to know something...I need you to know something."

Kelly blinked. His eyes on her were almost impossible to resist. She thought that being away from him for as long as she had would diminish their connection, but she was almost certain it had made it stronger. Maybe the old saying was true-absence really did make the heart grow fonder.

"What you said earlier about being loved by me...you said it in the past tense...I still love you. I've never stopped and I never will."

Kelly felt the tears escape her eyes again as the gravity of his words hit her. "I..."

He brought his hand to her mouth, smiling as he did it. "Don't," he whispered. "You don't have to say anything right now. It's not the time. For now, I just want you to know how I feel and I want you to know that I'm here...whatever you need."

Kelly nodded. "I do need to say one thing. I can't take the chance of not saying it...not now...not after everything that's happened."

Joey nodded, brushing the tear from her cheek.

"I love you," he said softly.

Smiling back at her, Joey tucked her hair behind her ear, pulling her towards him. No matter what happened to them in this life, they had each other.


End file.
